I agree with...one of the other reviewers. Think it was one..yeah. Anyway, this would be a great prologue to something greater. It begins to develop the characters, but just stops. Are you going to make it into a longer story? That would be cool. (grin)
Overall, I liked it, it was nice and lighthearted...I love lighthearted stuff.

That first part about the hands over the eyes is a great way to introduce a lot of characters at once!
This looks good so far, but the summary mentions things that aren't in the story, like the crush or that Damion doesn't look like Allen. It feels... incomplete, like more development needs to be added to the end of it.

i think this would be good as like a prolouge or something to the beginning of day of love story
:)