That was good. Me like

Please update! I really liked your use of description, and this story seems as though there are lots of places you can take it. Please write mors.

Sounds good so far :)
The only thing I would do is to break up the paragraphs, so it makes it easier to read.
And, I was just curious... are you still reading "World of Dreams" or "Sabrina Newcastle"?

just leaving a review for you!