Ahem, sorry I’m not signed in.
The Fictionpress people won't let me submit another review to Insert Title Here and I wanted to reprise my role as faithful editor.
Actually, not much editing. I just wanted to tell you that I really think the piece is very clear now. I enjoyed reading it, and didn't feel at all like I was wading through, even though I had already read a rough draft. That's unusual, so I commend you. It's hard to revise thoroughly, and you did an admirable job keeping it fresh all the way through.
Okay, I'll admit my only criticism (because you knew I would have to have one...) is that the piece doesn't seem to have a plot, or a strong concluding purpose. Now, that's not as damning as it sounds. I'm not sure it would improve with one, writing about books is very difficult, so I wouldn't recommend trying to insert a story in the mix.
Personally, I think it's just fine the way it is. I only mentioned the lack of plot (and I use that term loosely...again, I don't mean it as strongly as the word plot suggests) because I would like to see you use your newly sharpened perceptive writing skills in another story.
The process you went through to create and edit this piece taught you a lot. I know that seems like an odd thing to say, but after the revision (and I don't mean just the things I suggested, those were an outline- you took my ideas and worked them out into your own) the writing sparkled with a clarity the previous version had been lacking. The things you added (dust-bunny steeds, peanut butter and jelly sandwich) took what was something bordering on melodramatic and lightened it up without distracting the reader from the meaning.
That's a very hard thing to do. So when I say I think you learned, I mean that I saw the writing style develop, and I'm simply inferring a more universal growth.
To quote a piece of literature, that is really not literature at all:
"With great power comes great responsibility."
So Spiderman was talking about saving lives, but I'm referring to something much more important then that.
You have developed the necessary skills to create a properly descriptive story. Bwahahaha! Now it is your destiny to do so.
JoAnna
(oh, and I agree the poem was better in handwriting, I also had trouble with the formatting so it looks kind of odd. Thank you for reviewing, It is much better than waiting in person for someone to read…)

Have you ever read Battle of the Books by Jonathon Swift?
It's Swift's satire of the enduring battle between the ancient (Hellenic) and modern (pamphlet science) sources of his day. Written as if the books themselves are fighting.
His impression of the library?
"A great heap of learned dust."
If not yet read...then I would offer that up as a suggestion. Certainly before any continuation or revision of this piece.
First thing:
You don't need to use polysyllabic words when short ones will do. Explicit adjectives add insight, and excess creates jumble.
example: "I am afraid to count the numerous titles that whisper..."
Personally, I think a fear of counting conveys the much better than the word numerous does. Leave it out:
suggestion: "I am afraid to count the titles that whisper..."
In first person narration, sentences need to be terse enough create the necessary tension.
Second thing:
A piece about books cannot be convincing without the effective use of metaphors and other (less noticed, but equally important!) literary devices. Okay, so you've got the simile down. Leave it alone, it's dead. I want to see the words in action.
example: "...creeping slowly across the boring carpet."
Now, when something creeps, the word slowly is implied. 9/10 of the time, adverbs are clutter. Most people are afraid to give them up, but generally if you need an adverb it's because you aren't using the right verb. Scrap it. And the carpet? Ask yourself, why is it boring? If you don't answer that, then the word itself merely dulls the scene. Flip the adjective over and personify the bugger.
suggestion: "...creeping across a carpet bored with its color."
Now we move on to the minutia.
In the second sentence, "a couple have eyes only for each other," I’m not going to mess with that (mild) cliché, because it works here (it is a romance after all…), but you also state they were "Oblivious to his plight." Well, dear, if they only have eyes for each other then of course they are oblivious to his plight. Give your reader some credit for logic. Delete the first four words. However, I found the remainder of that sentence to be an extraordinary definition of the nature of romance novels, particularly "muttering cliches and simpering pledges." Well done. And yet…you use mutterings again in the same paragraph. I recommend replacing the second usage, don’t touch the first.
Perhaps the fantasy novel section could be tightened. Unless your use of two sentences in place of one was intentional (fantasy novels do tend to come with the prerequisite sequels), I would combine them. If you can’t describe what she’s waiting for, I tend to believe you just don’t know. If you do, then show me. Similarly, her eyes are described as "alien and cruelly beautiful". Cruel beauty? That’s about ten years away from padding shelves lined with poems that begin "roses are red." Tell me something I don’t know…
Second paragraph, last sentence: Cut out the ‘I believe’. It seems more mysterious if you just say "They breed in the dark corners when I’m not looking…" They sound more alive then they would if you pronounced they only move in you imagination. Possibly scratch the "more often read" bit, or change it around. It sounds slightly awkward.
Third paragraph, second sentence: What? "After all, they outnumber me." Yes dear, they do. Unless you’re counting skin cells a huge collection of two books would outnumber you. So perhaps that sentence needs some altering. Or is there something you aren’t telling us?
Third paragraph, third sentence: cut out the "most likely" with all the words that you use to try and make the vast numbers of the books seem dramatic, putting in a ‘maybe factor’ doesn’t make sense.
Fourth paragraph, second sentence: The first and last sentences connect well. But…
"One night, the magic depicted in the top shelves’ innumerable pages will find the only word that works in the millions trapped like butterflies to the sheets, a touch of the immortal scrawled hurriedly to the transient medium of paper."
Wow. Pretty words. I’m still looking for a subject/verb agreement in the three or four sentences contained within this one. As a matter of fact, I think that they need couples therapy. Break it up. It sounds here like you got enchanted with phraseology and forgot to give the sentence a feasible psychology.
Fourth paragraph, third/fourth sentence: Hmm. Both of these sentences are fine. I am just completely lost as to why they appear in this paragraph. The third sentence kinda connects to the last one. The last one connects to the first one. The fourth sentence seems unnecessary, although it could be interesting if it was explored (in its own paragraph).
Fourth paragraph, last sentence: I like this sentence, more about that later. However, when you list what is being done to the books you begin by tagging the words "being" or "used" to the beginning of each segment. By doing so you make each segment responsible for having it’s own verb. The third segment does not have this. Test it by applying this: (something) is "segment". For example: you can say, something is "used to hold up a surge protector". But, you can’t say, something is "as a footrest". All of the other segments fit this. You need to give the third subject a purpose.
Fifth paragraph, second sentence: incredibly minor. You say the books whisper for the second time in a relatively short piece (the first usage is in the first sentence of the third paragraph). Not really a problem, just thought you should be sure to be aware of it.
Okay, so that’s it for the browbeating.
What I liked:
(A list shorter then the previous one only because my wrists are getting carpal tunnel from typing a review this long)
First paragraph: The idea behind this introduction is quite clever. I really enjoyed the verbs you used (i.e. perched, simpering).
Second paragraph: "Animal titles for a wholly human obsession," is nice. And my favorite bit is when you bring in the cats. I swear that’s the truth.
Third paragraph: Ha! Nice last sentence. Although I don’t think Oscar Wilde was ever calm about anything…
Fourth paragraph: The first and last sentences connect very well. I love the list of things the books are used for; the possibility of an emotional reaction to being used to hold up a surge protector is absolutely hilarious.
Fifth paragraph: Last sentence? Beautiful. Although I could argue that changes in belief/knowledge are the ONLY revolution that will ever be.
I am (long) winded. And, although I know this was extraordinarily long, please do me the favor of paying it some mind. However, should a section of this review seem silly to you. Remind yourself: I criticized you for being wordy (in the fourth paragraph of this review), and then wrote a review nearly 6 times the length of your piece. So don’t take me too seriously. I just figured if this is going to be in print, you deserved a thorough review.
Tired,
JoAnna

Awesome voice. Really awesome voice.

Awesome babe. Totally awesome. I love the bit at the begining where you throw in all the bits from books and it sounds kinda like a fantasy story/murder mystery/ romance.. wait it was supposed to. :P Loves ya babes, you are an awesome writer, keep it up. You will go far with your talets whether it be journalism, being a novelist, or just writing in your free time, you will sway people with your words, your persuasive speeches, your elegant phrasing. There are many reasons why you are my best friends, and this is just one of them. Be it a small reason, it is still one.
loves you.
puck