FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Damaged 2003-12-30 ch 4,  | abuseThe story is quite interesting. The only problems that bugged me while reading is the formatting, how you kept the different speakers in one paragraph. But, oh well. Um, each chapter was great, but some length could be used .. just for more detail. But, other than that, great work, and keep it up. I look forward to the next update. |
| AngelaRB 2003-12-30 ch 4, | abuseI really like the idea and what you have so far. The only critique I have is that you should seperate your dialogue scenes into seperate paragraphs when a new person starts speaking. Other than that, great job! :) |