|Reviews for Till Death Do Us Apart|
| simon bolivar 8/25/04 . chapter 1
Quote: I could feel the rain penetrating through my non-rainproof jacket.
Don't say "non-rainproof". No shit. If the rain's penetrating through, obviously it's non-rainproof. It's unnecessary to say so again.
| Cheli Forever 1/5/04 . chapter 1
lucky bastard! g/f u alwayz wanted, huh? :D
| Gunshot We Heard 1/4/04 . chapter 1
The plot seemed a little confusing and not even really there, it should be a little cleared up. The sentence structure could of been a tad bit better.
Example: If the bus didn't come soon I would've been soaked,luckily the bus came after I was standing there for about 8 minutes.
The ending of that you could of just shortened to after 8 minutes instead of all those other words. Sentences don't have to be long just be able to get the point across. Also the way you worded your sentences it just lacked the action that it could of conveyed. And their wasn't enough characterization(or however you spell it) to add the emotion to the final scene between Ericka and the main character. One thing I don't get though, I don't get how this could of been written in first person if the character died. It just is totally confusing and kind of screws up the way the story was told. Maby eyou could change this to third person view or make the character live and try to expand upon the story a little bit. Just some good old constructive Criticism.
| The-White-Wolf 1/4/04 . chapter 1
O.o This was weird...but the good thing is you imporved alot...