 La. 2007-02-23 . chapter 1 Oh please continue. I adore both of the characters immensely, and would love to see more of them. |
 Miz Em 2006-05-27 . chapter 1Aww, that was very sweet. Well written too. ^-^ |
 lucia marin 2005-07-27 . chapter 1fascinating premise. i love your attention to detail - that he's wearing oxfords, that she's drinking guinness, the rich descriptions and realized setting. hope to see the next chapter soon - you really can write. |
 Raomina 2005-04-28 . chapter 1Hey, this is a pretty good story. I really wish you will continue it, for the sake of your reviewers, please continue!! I want to know what will happen next. Anything can happen at this part of the story so it wouldn't be so difficult to think up one, so please do so. |
 Xx-MeH-xX 2005-01-27 . chapter 1 I realy think u should continue...and even though u havent updated for a year...i hope this review persuades you for some reason..lol
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CONTINUE! |
 bob 2004-12-15 . chapter 1 could you please write another chapter? i really like the through way you described things, without making it too descriptive, something that is very hard to achive :] :] :] |
 Gezi 2004-11-22 . chapter 1 OH! PLEASE CONTINUE! This is not normal writing. It's wonderful! Lovely details, interesting and lovable characters, realistic and yet so filled with an underlining fantasy. Absolutely delicious! Please do continue! I might cry if you don't...*sniff* |
 sweet hunny 2004-08-01 . chapter 1this story is really interesting. could u please finish it? i'd like to know how the story unfolds. |
 FoxxyGElf 2004-07-18 . chapter 1Sweet! Antonio sounds sexy!! LOL, this is a great story so far! I would really like to know what Antonio is... Hope you reveal that soon! Update quick!!
-Foxxy |
 Chanquiri 2004-05-01 . chapter 1Damn. I want Antonio. |
 pneumothorax 2004-04-26 . chapter 1I thought that while the start was good, it seemed to waver in the middle and after.
Whilst I agree with slipping in descriptive words rather than 'she had blonde hair', you used them doubled, "Her straight auburn hair" which seemed to me like the beginning of a list. You did this a few times - I think the piece would read better if you put in more frequent singular descriptive words.
It was interesting, but like I mentioned it seemed as though you put too much effort into keeping the reader interested at the beginning and throughout your attention started to waver. For instance, whilst you said that there was an empty pub we are not told what it looked like so much, how many people were there? (perhaps I missed that) and what colour was the wood or furnishings. I know this isn't essential to a story so much but it helps set a scene. Did they sit at a table? (again you probably said this) but was it in a corner, where was it placed - was it an alcove or .. I'll stop.
On the plus side there were some parts that made me laugh, in place. Such turns of phrase: " He poked himself in the chest and looked at her innocently. “I assure you, I am completely real." " - amused me no end, and the language he displayed really built on the character. Hers seemed a little rushed, however. Whilst I am aware that she is becoming steadily more drunk, she reveals details that one would not normally expect to be revealed to a stranger as quickly - and this before she has drunk much. While I accept that she may be an open character, this just seemed a little out of place.
Personally, I wouldn't continue it. I'm not saying it's bad and is not worth continuing, just that it stands well as a piece by itself. |
 Jadeite 2004-04-12 . chapter 1 Wow! Can I have a guy like this? Amazingly written, lots of detail, but not too much. I like! Gimme more or I will become ravenous and eat my keyboard (not a pretty sight, so you'd better get writing). |
 Snow Tears 2004-03-28 . chapter 1This is really good. I really like the way he talks, and ya, I did figure he wasn't a normal guy, so you have to finish it so I can find out his secret!
Keep writing, can't wait for the next chappie!
Sara
ps - I think you put 'pup' instead of 'pub' but I could be wrong. Just a heads-up! |
 J.C. Thomas 2004-02-20 . chapter 1 I want an Antonio! Can I have one please? Hehehe...
Yes... please continue the relationship between them is so interesting! |
 Josee Poesee 2004-01-28 . chapter 1Wow this is really really good! I so want to know what Antonio is! Please please please write more soon!
*~* Dy *~* |