Wow, this kicks. I was going to say it was like Buffy, until I realized it was much better... Not that I'm a fan of Buffy, but you get my drift. Anyway, it's funny, it's mysterious, it's got all the good plot stuff. Tip: Your dialogue is a little stiff, while your inner monologues are very realistic and convincing. Sure, people don't speak with the same relaxation they think with, but they aren't THAT uptight.
Just a thing to think about. Good overall, keep it up!
~S

To my sister (who wrote this), I found this story interesting. Also,I like the way you described everything. I can't wait for the next chapter! Keep up the good work!