Very nice imagery. I like the way you repeated certain lines. And it's very nice to see a Shia Muslim person writing here, I am encouraging all who are under suppression of religion to deny that and come out. I'm glad you have looked over that. Awesome work on this poem, keep it up.

This is good. I enjoyed it a lot. Good write.

that's beautiful...

Wow. I really, really liked that. Especially the four lines you kept repeating about the valley of pain. Excellent work! I think this is very, deep! Keep Writing!

dayum.. thats awesome O_O
love,jade