Oh, nice poem, lovely metaphor! (I have a feeling I should have used 'allegory' there but oh well.) I love the last stanza! Keep writing!

Hey! I like this. It's simple and sweet but your poetic fluency is awesome! It's a really heart- breaking poem for me, I'm a hopeless romantic :0) I have a challenge for you though! Try, if you want to, to write a poem that doesn't rhyme. I used to be too scared to try and write one because I thought that ALL poems had to rhyme. Sometimes I still feel like the barrier of having to make it rhyme makes it so that I can't say what I realy want to. You should try it and great work! Keep at it :0)

It is nice but i think it is too simple and the emotion doesn't really get exposed that much. But it is good and well written.

short but sweet, keep up the good work, em

I really like your ideas! It was really really good. Don't worry about it being "short" as you put it, sometimes writing can have a really powerful affect when it's that way!
-lunelapis
p.s. thanks for the killer review (:

Very nicely written.
Well done!

This is really cool. I thought for a moment it was going to be like my poem "A Broken Soul", but it is a bit diff. Really great!

This is really good. I think the shortness, combined with the structure, the parallelism and repetitions, makes it even more effective. Good job.

i actually loved that! and it's divided into - you guessed it - FRAGMENTS...hehehe GREAT work!
ps. in your rview to me you told me to watch out for chapters 10 11 and 12 of Frozen Heart. i was a bit stumped cos i never even heard of that... maybe you have me confused with Child Of The Potted Plant? but never mind, i may still read it, just give me time...
ciao

Rather interesting, odd, but interesting

I like this poem...very deep.

Well... This is intersting, im not good at poems, so im not completly sure about tyhe mesage, i thinnk its somthing to the extent of trust is so easily shattered... Well i got up a new story please read it, its much better than the oine you reviewed. {robably cause that was the first sotory i have ever really written... who knows it probably just sucked in general anyway, im surprised i didn't get blow torched, o well this new one is interesting. If anyone cares the name of it is "The Mashani".

wow, this poem is really very impressive. it's a rare thing when a poem can rhyme and i apprecate it, so thank you.

Oh, its very nicely worded.
The repetition is very interesting.

that was short... sorry, that's what first came to my mind! other than that, it was very good, I liked it... I was about to say "it's cute" but I do say that much too often, I suppose I just find most things cute... Well, it's good, isn't that the main thing?