The commas! The commas! You said you were working on those, right?
Funky little story you have going on there. It looks/sounds a lot like something from Douglas Adams. The master of the anti-plot himself. Just skimming it, I nearly went blind. It's just too beautifully hideous. Like Vogon poetry...only more humane.

This is pretty good, but i'd like to point some things out. There is a point in this chapter where you change from past tense, to present tense, to past tense again. Also, i noticed a bountiful amount of run-on sentences here and there, fluttering about, and a few sentences that accidentally ended in commas instead of periods (typo). Also, why is Eeffoc capitalized if it's coffee spelled backwards and coffee is a common noun, not a proper noun? Anyway, other than those little things, it's quite entertaining.

oh, i see your point about the spacing, i'll try to fix that
Douglas Adam's has really influenced me, only when i right satiricaly, But he is by far one of my favorite authors, saying that about me is a great compliment
I have the second Chapter already written, thanks to a boring biology class, but im not sure i like its feel and tone, this story was really changed when i was rewriting it from my rough draft, so i think the second chapter is going to be much different than what i have written

Hey, this is a really cool story. The feel of it is alot like Douglas Adams Hitchiker's series, which is one of my favorites, and you write really well.
Only one problem is apparent here, on Fictionpress it is really hard to read a story if it is not spaced properly. This isn't your fault mind you, but you should double paragraph stuff here, I have no idea what their layout is about.
Keep writing!
Sparko

Wow! I love it! You'll be the next Douglas Adams!
. Good work!