Okay, yes. I like this one much better!! Also, it's enabled me to detect a few things that you could possibly improve on. Good and bad to follow:
-You tend to use a lot of cliches, here and there... Just little, offhand things stated: a shiver down the spine, "the lone wolf howls", "trying not to stare", "shed a tear", things like that. Particularly the last one I pointed out... It tends to be extremely overused in poetry, and takes away from your piece. If you want to communicate an idea best summed by a cliche, try working it around, make it your own. Instead of being annoying, it will then become a shining point in your work that will cause the reader to stop and take notice.
-Word choice. This one isn't so significant, and the poem got better as it progressed, but especially toward the beginning there were a couple words that really seemed to jar the flow of thought. One instance would be the word 'sneeze', about a dozen lines down... Yes, it made it rhyme, but it also just seemed like the word didn't belong there in the midst of such poetry.
-Good stuff: BEAUTIFUL progression of thought/story. You told the story succinctly, and concluded it in a really great manner.
-Good stuff: IMAGERY. You have an amazing gift for this, I think. You have taken both the normal and the supernatural, translated them into words that make the reader both understand and actually visualize what you're trying to say. As I read this, your words made it easy for me to envision this taking place, and see it as being something glorious. The words you chose enabled me to easily imagine myself in that situation, and experience the emotions along with your character.
Overall: great job. You've got a lot of talent, clearly evidenced in this piece. Just make sure to watch the things I mentioned, and focus on develloping your strength. I look forward to watching your writing grow.
~Taylor