 Hedgistar 2004-02-24 . chapter 2This is impressive. The voice is good and you've settled us down on the specifics of your character's behavoirs flowlessly into the narrative.
From a guy who's gonna end up in a career in Genetics, I like the genetic manipulation twist into this. It's a fresh from the usual Genetic Engineering --> Killer Virus crap that floats around in FictionPress. And the way you introduced it was nice. Not big on the fanfare involved, but definately shocking. Good job.
I don't have nitpicks but I do have a suggestion. Maybe instead of Tourette's Syndrome, you should pick a gene related or "supposedly" related to Autism instead, as the cuases of autism is so fuzzy that its rather plausible, and autism is a disorder that plays up a person's ability to understand/take-in/assimilate data.
It's only a suggestion, not a nitpick...
But this is very good. Thumbs WAY up from me.
A pleasure,
Hedgistar |
 Destroying Angel 2004-02-08 . chapter 1Odd premise, to say the least. There is a ton of room for further explanation (story details, visual details, etc.) But otherwise it's pretty good. I would say something like 'Looking forward to more updates' but to be quite frank I'm a lazy bastard and probably wont. Otherwise, well done, and you never know, depending on where it goes from here it could become an excellent story. |