Reviews for A Balmy Spring Wind

Stormer
2004-08-06
ch 1,

Some corrections are in these [] brackets:
+ '...full eyebrows darkening [his] face.'
+ '“[Let's] move the car towards it...'
'He paused, regaining some [composure.] “[It] was [definitely] a tank…”'
+ '“This place is a [wreck],” Jack said.'
: : : : I think there are a number of things that don't fit - for one, the food on the plates in the kitchen. Surely it'd be unrecognisable black rotten stuff by now, or even less? And also, the place where the garden once was - it could easily have weeds by now, if something like 80 years has passed. Unless someone lived in the house more recently?
: : : : "The two hiked back in silence". Should be "The two hiked back to the car in silence" I think - just to reorientate the reader.
: : : : I really, really enjoyed this. I dunno if you've written other stories about this world in which a war took place and people left in a spaceship, but if you have please let me know which they are so I can read 'em! I'll check your other stuff out anyway, but I sorta have limited time at the moment (I'm travelling:).

torn-edges
2004-03-22
ch 1,

lovely story. keep writing!

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