ok, Lily, this is UBER cool. and I mean UBER!!
*considers stealing for lit mag* Its beautiful. Like, Mr. Kamin Analyzing beautiful. heh heh. I'm going to read this again when I have more brains on me. *nodnodnod*
Good work! :-p

Wow, this is weird. I like it! I'm so used to stories where in the end everything is resolved, and this is a nice change. I love that even at the end you have no idea what happened or why.

Whoa, that's creepy. What's the matter with her, some disease?
Very good. I've never read anything of Hemingway's (as far as I can remember) but I suspect he wrote suspense well. Maybe you want to give your readers a hint about what happened in an author's note at the bottom? ^_^

spooni, you are a MIRACLE WORKER i love you ^_^
anywho, good ficcie! can't wait to find out what's next... what was the whole thing about the wind? Meh i s'pose you'll tell us in time :P
what's your vote? I don't think you had an opinion yet-- d'you want a serra/drey pairing for eclipse? i got responses, but one is that i should definitely do it, and the other one was that i definitely shouldn't. :P anywho, just wondering
hmm what's the woman's name? poor lady... i thought she died for a moment... poor deliveryman ^_^
keep up the great work! heart you forever spooni!

I've never read Hemingway, so I can't really compare, but I liked this. I agree with your other reviewer in that the "face leaking" description doesn't really work. It makes her sound like an old pipe.
I also find it interesting that you've given the delivery man a name, but not your main character. I'm not sure if this is intentional, but interesting nonetheless.
cheers :)

Very nice, descriptive storytelling--just the way i like it ^_^
One thing: "...HEr face was leaking..." You might want to go into a little more detail about that. Make the tears (at least, that's what i think they are) freeze outside, and tell about that.
One more thing-usually, hypothermic people don't just get up and walk inside. That's kind of weird.
Wonderful descriptions--when you do the next chapter, tell why she was crying.