I enjoyed the story. It was very creative and I honestly had no problem with the fact that you seemed to switch gears in the middle. However, the ending was... horrible.

I don't simply say this because it was a sad ending. It came out of no where. Actually... it wasn't even a sad ending because the reader does not have time to feel anything before the story is, quite frankly, over. No emotions were involved. No consequences. No agony in poor Ebony's eyes. Nyrish died and two lines were devoted to that. It was unfinished. It totally was thrown in from left field. It was very... underdeveloped.

It seemed almost as if you refused to let the story have a happy ending and, therefore, threw some horrible diaster in at the last second (literally). Did you grow tired of the story and simply wanted it finished? What happened? I was blindsided and not in a good way. I think it's safe to say that all your other readers were too.

Had you developed Nyrish's demise more carefuly or simply made the story (god forbid) have a happy ending, I do believe I would have finished reading the story with a satisfied air. Now... I leave it feeling like I wasted my time-- no matter how fascinating the rest of the story was.

I hope you don't become angry at this critique; I simply wished to convey my true feelings. I hope it is of some help.

~skittlelove

Please figure out who you want your characters to be and where you're plot is going and stick with it!
I'm sorry but that is how it reads, you may have planned it all perfectly but it seems like you change your mind as to what you want to happen every other chapter and adjust the personalities of your characters accordingly.
I realise that progression is in the nature of writing, and there must be character development etc etc but this goes beyond that.
I'm giving up, it sounded interesting and very promnising but I can't take all the random flip-flopping anymore.
If you did plan it all then I suggest that you work on making changes more fluidly and work on the flow of the plot, if not then I suggest that you start (I realise that this may be redundant as you may have already done this but I thought I'd say it just in case)

OMG! >

God...I have now just realized that there is just no reasoning with you, that all your sorties are never have happy endings all I read all but one
I can just say that if anyone would have died at the end of this story it should have been (Shavar or Jet) - in no way should Nyrish die in this story
Shavar (die) so Brandy and Dravell could be together with out Dravell felling weird
Jet (die just so someone else does) but I think I would not have been happy with that happening and then it would not very satisfying newest character dies and then oh well….yeah...pointless (he is an odd character in the story loved him so much he’s funny)
Of course Lada had to die…haha
You come up with some of the weirdest story line good ones but I think that you move a little to fast in them
And if I could ask what the hell happed to the Vail I mean one minute there no the ship then the next there in the county side buying horses
But any way Nyrish dying not what I was expecting nor what anyone!, not one person what that to happen
There would have been no reason for Ebony or Dravell to die… and Nyrish to die to, but he did so I don’t know what to say
This for the most part is just me rambling about Nyrish dying and he should not have died that’s not fair to Ebony at all
And so that I can end this mostly pointless review/ramble is that I ignoring the last two lines to the story and Ebony’s grief-ridden state part… as far as I am concerned Nyrish never died
But your story was good for the most part
~Aeiradne

I'm not really enjoying the story so far, I mean, I don't understand why they suddenly have this whole alternate dimension thing, it doesn't make any sense as in I don't think it develops the story any. And the whole elf thing was random, why have elves instead of just magical humans? Is there a society of elves, are there other magical communities? It just all seems so random and not well thought out. And I'm sorry, but I think Ebony(not a very creative name by the way) is incredibly whiny and annoying. Really, who is that much of a drama queen? I understand he's been in love for five years, but seriously, I never thought he would be so determinedly pissy or have such low self esteem. I automatically get turned off when any character who's not a child cries multiple times for multiple offenses within the first five chapters, regardless of that character's gender. If Nyrish is being a bastard, tell him what a bastard he is and why, don't just run away and cry in a corner because he doesn't see you as anything but a beautiful object, have some pride and self respect!

You shouldn't have killed Nyrish! I realize that you are not the type to write happy ever after stories.
Oh well...

... NO... so sad... so sad... I loved the story and have started reading some of your older ones. It was very good and I didn't mind the diverson to Dravell and Brandy. My writings often times take the same kind of turn... well if I could finish them on paper...

Oh snap! Is all I gotta say!

Well, I suppose it was to tempting not to end with a cliffhanger. :) I'm so looking forward to the next chapter.

AUGHH.
Darnit.
Had to read the last bit twice >.<
Still, i SO thought brandy and davrell getting togeather would be more complicated - seeing as the assassin is an unscrupulous bastard (in the best and most smexy way possible), the power hungry necro wouldn't be much of a bother. Even if he was, Shavar would probably chase down the couple and stab them to deaths in their sleep.
Poor poor Ebony =(
P.S. -
Dont take that the wrong way, though! this is a GREAT story! i just thought it was a bit hasty in the last two paragraphs. Love it to deaths. I'm just a bit too critical for my own good =/

Sorry for being a flake. XP

Well, I certainly didn't like Shavar, so this made me happy. Had me going there with Jet's illusion. I like Jet a lot so I was going "no! not gran'da person!" His character is just so likeable. Or maybe it's because I want a grandpa like him.

But Nyrish! Gyah! No! Certainly wasn't expecting that. Poor guy. Makes me want to cry.

But...it's a good ending, even if I wanted a happy one. Can't all have happy ending, right?

Loved it, and I hope you continue writing more stories.

umm that was a bit of a clipped ending, and it was sad you should have killer shavar...o well, other than that it was okay

You're very welcome my dear. I should have reviewed more, but occassionally I forget to stop lurking. It's a bad habit of mine. ^_^; I enjoyed the story very much. I'm sad to see the story end, and sadder still to see Nyrish end with it. I've been reading this story since the beginning, and though I often forget to review, (The aforementioned bad habit) I want you to know that I did indeed read and enjoy each chapter. Congratulations on the end of your story, (a feat I have yet to successfully pull off,) and good wishes on whatever you decide to pursue next. ^_^

Wow I did not see that coming at all. I mean wow. Nyrish died, random character kill off, and Brandy and Dravell end up together. What the hell? Personally I kinda hoped that Brandy would die, but thats just me. But what I really hope for is a sequel. That would rock. Over all, this story rocked.

:) I like this story a lot. It's good and I like the whole idea of it so far. :)