Oh, that last line was great. Not great, brilliant. Like...boom! I know, I make no sense...anyways, it's poetry like this that sometimes makes me wonder what the lines really mean to the poet. Like "creatures of black silken air / tore their wings in unison / the veil of darkness sways" I wonder who these creatures are? Why are they tearing their wings, and why did you include the detail of 'in unison'? I would love to know what you were really saying when you wrote those lines. Oh, and the "'Why are you sad?' Leave me alone 'Why are you angry?' Leave me alone" part was great, too.

I think this is very good. Though why is there no punctuation hardly at all?ah well. it's v good anyways and one can understand it with no problems.
'Passing through a forgotten
Monochrome pool of dreams'
I love these two lines, and the last two stanzas especially. Special.
huggles and mwahs!x