Mya von Dor
2004-10-10
ch 1,  | abuseyou know, it's a pretty good poem, but you have a lot of abstract thoughts in there like fear, soul, sin, humanness, stuff that you really should replace with concrete images like instead of I'm held hostage, say I'm stuck here like a prisioner with a life sentence or something like that, something that makes the feelings tangeable, something that conveys what you're feeling by showing, not telling, like this poem seems to be doing. I'd also suggest seeing if any of your other poems could use the same advice, cause it's midnight here and I really should be off to bed, but I thought I'd say that before I did. :) Hope it helps! (and I'm glad you like my story so much!) |
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