I dont like the way it flows, i like it but it seems like you just wrote down what you were thinking and it really doesnt have any structure. Sit down and read it over and look at what else you can do with it.
Keep the words and the phrases but make it flow
^criticism not insults

Heh.. You have a way of making sad reality beautiful.. Another excellent job, especially in the last stanza. The second stanza, however, feels off. Not sure about recommendations, but read it to yourself and something about it feels wrong. Regardless, very good.