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| J.Riot 2008-08-28 ch 29,  | abuseI Love this story. |
| K.M.Mackenzie 2008-05-17 ch 3, | abuseOh, I love this. So your ambition at the moment is to publish before age 18 then? Me too. Is this the story your hoping for goodness to befall? It is very good. Maybe a little bit of description would help. As far as I can see, it's a combination of the protagonist's internal monologue and external dialogues between the rest of the characters. Description would help. And also, I like how you call the chapters "Bits". It's very interesting. Like the protagonist's character is rubbing off on the structure of her own story. By the way, your characterisation is fantastic. I think that's where internal monologues (when done correctly as you have) are good at establishing personality, attitude and values. Of course, none of this may have occurred to you while you wrote. It never does, does it? Well, good luck with everything. You'll be hearing from me again soon. In another couple of "bits" I'd wager. (Normally, I don't talk like this. I'm just in a weird mood.) K.M.Mackenzie P.S.: If you do happen to stumble onto my profile and end up thinking that the story "Because It's Pink" is the one I wish to publish, please don't fool yourself. It is not. Thank you. |
| SoulLunair 2008-04-12 ch 29, | abusewhoa I wonder whats happening next |
| SoulLunair 2008-04-12 ch 27, | abuseI wasn't expecting that of mike at all |
| SoulLunair 2008-04-12 ch 23, | abusethe sad thing is ppl like Mandy/candy/sandy really do exisist |
| SoulLunair 2008-04-12 ch 20, | abusebrooke is creepy Alex is good |
| SoulLunair 2008-04-12 ch 18, | abuseno wonder mikes like that with those kinda parents |
| SoulLunair 2008-04-12 ch 16, | abusegods the party was funny the cheeto guy! |
| SoulLunair 2008-04-12 ch 15, | abuselos she spit it on the paper |
| SoulLunair 2008-04-12 ch 14, | abuseShe’s very artificially flavored. XD lols your a friggen genious |
| SoulLunair 2008-04-12 ch 13, | abuselols every chapters ben great |
| SoulLunair 2008-04-12 ch 12, | abuselols yeah.good memories.thanks shes funny which means your funny lols |
| SoulLunair 2008-04-12 ch 10, | abuseya he is creepy weird is good creepy is not |
| SoulLunair 2008-04-12 ch 7, | abusemikes a good character to |
| SoulLunair 2008-04-12 ch 6, | abuseI also like the way you write Hmm i would not like to go to a counsler |