GREAT STORY BUT GET SOMEONE TO READ OVER YOUR WORK FOR SIMPLE SPELLING AND GRAMMATICAL ERRORS

I really like it!!

I applaude (sp?) you on yet another job very well done. *claps* Can't wait to read more of your work!

So far, I have only read about one chapter of this story, but I have read a couple of your other stories. Like the others, it seems to me that this story has a good plot, and you could go far with it. However, you really need to work on your grammar. Do you have a beta? If you do, ask him/her to check your stories more carefully, and if not, you should really think about getting one. No matter how good a plot line is, if the grammar is bad and the story choppy, it will turn the reader off. hope that helped.

--spazzle

So far, I have only read about one chapter of this story, but I have read a couple of your other stories. Like the others, it seems to me that this story has a good plot, and you could go far with it. However, you really need to work on your grammar. Do you have a beta? If you do, ask him/her to check your stories more carefully, and if not, you should really think about getting one. No matter how good a plot line is, if the grammar is bad and the story choppy, it will turn the reader off. hope that helped.

--spazzle

i really liked this story! cute ending!

Another great story. This one seemed very different to your other stories, and it worked out really great. Just quickly, I noticed something that you commonly do in your stories, and that is you confuse "road" with "rode". When you say something like, "he looked at the rode", you should have used "road". "Rode" is a verb and belongs in a sentence like, "I rode the horse everyday", and "road" is a noun like, "The road we drove on was bumpy."

Anyway, I hope that helped. Congratulations on another great story and I can't wait to read some more. You have so many that are already completed! That is so great!! I'm slowly making my way through them.

Great work!!

~Silver

Wow, very nice job! I read a lot of fiction, so I tend to guess what's going to happen before it does (and there's nothing wrong with cliches, lemme tell you!...now we've got that cleared up... ;-D) but I must say, A.J. being FBI was TOTALLY unexpected! The only suggestion I could make would be to put just a bit more of his POV in, but beyond that, excellent work!!

I love your stories, but i have something in my mind. Why are the girls always virging and they get pregnant after the first nighT?? I really wonder.

I really liked the story.

Wow...awesome story. Dialogue, great. Plot, great. Characters, great. The only thing that could use some improvement is description. Show don't tell. Make us SEE AJ's face. Show us what rooms look like, carpets, the things sitting on a desk or table or window sil. Otherwise? AWESOME story. I can't wait to read more of yours. You should expand this and publish it. I'd buy it. So would millions of other people.

LOl another great story keep udating the other 1's

some of their dialogue lines seemed really fake... you were communicating their sotries with no real feeling, just something that echoed it. i wish it had been longer with more detail too.

Great Chapter and a great ending!

Aw, good Cane.