Youa asked me to review so here it goes.
I think one way you could have improved is by breaking up your sentences with different words.
The basics such as:
"No"Jacob said
"No"Laura said
into:
"no"Laura laughed to the rest of the group shaking her head slightly.
Or
"No!" Jacob cried out through the darkness as the bodys limp fingers finaly let the gun clatter to the cobbled street.
Jacob