Chapter 2-

"Doesn't that hurt?"

"Yep." xD

Your characters appear to be very colorful, I like the uncle especially. The girl (Mirrenia) seems a little shallow, or really, like one of those simply unemotional people.

Chapter 3-

I think the best part here is the description of the dream.

WAIT! I just realized! This is from like 3 friggin years ago dude! Wtf am I reviewing this for >.< ;_: I'll do something more recent lol...

Heya, I'll try my best to offer CC here. This is for chapter 1, btw.

Love the voice of the character, lol 'hiding in the rafters' how ridiculous x_x

One thing I thought flowed a little badly was the sentence 'That speed saved my life.' which was followed by 'I was walking on my thirteenth...'
To make it flow a little better (sounds kind of forced to me sorry) I'd suggest writing it like 'On my thirteenth birthday, sometime 'round the height of Mead Moon, that speed saved my life'. But that's just me maybe.

I like how powerful the characters are, jumping on the roof all casually.

Overall, cool chapter, fun to read, and interesting throughout. Only big problem was the one I mentioned really, and that was nothing. On to the next one!!

Brilliant! I am deeply sorry that I criticized you before I knew your writing well enough...this story is quite well-done. I tip my hat to you. I love Phez and Mier. You really captured the personalities of these strong women nicely. I would very much like to see more written about them in the future. Dae is a very unusual and well-rounded character. You, my dear, through your gentleness, patience, and genuinely helpful CC of my own little story, have won me over. I will sing your praises now, and defend you with all the venom that I defend Zen. Those who mock you shall feel the stinging teeth of the Troubadour.

Good job, Jasper! I can see that you almost always relate to your main characters... I have to make everything from scratch... ^^; Well, I'm just going to read the other ones now... ^^

Hmm! A very quick first chapter. I especially like how you've established the main character's personality by the way you write the story.

However, my one CC would be...sentence openers. While you're not a bit offender, some of the paragraphs in there could use touching up.

For a longer explanation on what I mean by this..

http://w.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1942775&chapter=3

Wow, Cathy, that was really good!

Good paced story, but it could have been a single chapter / short story. I like how you described your characters, but the flow of story seemed a bit manic. Lots of backstory missing or excluded. I'd like to see you flesh this out. Take your time, and thanks for sharing!

Interesting story! It had some stuff I really liked, the chapters were too short and the story itself felt like it deserved to be a LOT longer, you deffinately could have stood to drag it out more. But your characters are fun adn the plot was cool, so good job! Keep writing.
Luv~Ailsa

AAHH..finally, a younger-than-me main character, I never thought I'd see the day. I love the way you describe the characters and settings so vividly, not many writers are able to do that. I'll be back in about 7 more minutes, lol.
-LordDoogs

This sounds very good. I don't usually review stuff because I'm really irresponsible, but the really great stories, or what I think are GOING to be really great stories, I review, and review diligently. I'll be stopping by again soon to comment on more chapters, but good first one!
-LordDoogs

I enjoyed this story.
The general concept is a clever one, and your characters are well developed and described.
However, there are some questions.
The logic of having the rightful heir to the throne branded inwardly is confusing.
Please, explain.
Thank you for your time.

Great job so far! But what was the thing saying like, "That speed saved my life". It didn't really, it saved someone else's life. Or maybe it just didn't happen yet...??
-D

Good. Very good.
I'll be moving on to the next 'book.'

Could've been longer. Its already good, but it would have been better with a little more bulk, I think. And what did Ralephide steal?

Ooh, challenge! Me like!