Great and cute the repetition of the heart beats works really well. I love how you ended it.

Ou so cute lol. It's short, but that's ok, sometimes a lot of words just ruins the effect. Great job!

-Zephyr Zaelza

that's the story? i know you said short story, but THAT short? meaningful, but still, it coulda used a few more lines, or at least a few moe words :P. lol.

Peace and Chicken Grease

Aw! This is so CUTE! I love it.

A STORY! OMG A STORY! I TOTALLY DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A STORY HERE! ACK I LOVE IT! IT'S SO CUTE AND SWEET AND ACK A STORY! Ok, I'm calm. See? I knew you'd be good at stories! Write more, okay?

It made me smile...you were right, it was quite cute. I really find it's beautiful.

this is cute story.

this is so cute! ;)

Aw, Very cute! You said this was half true, half fantasy. Was him saying "hi" the fantasy? ^^Keep Writin'^^
~ Alexz Lynn

Aww it's so cute... You're awsome at writing!

aw- NICE!! i love it. i like the repetition and then change. this is an awesome poem

Cute and sweet! And have I mentioned very suspenseful? Great work!

AW! I loved it! That was awesome.

I think that works more like a poem, but I suppose the sentences were too long to classify it as such. Still, the effect was the same and that's not saying it's not good; if anything, it was, indeed, cute.

ooh..my heart skips a beat or two...or three. This is certainly what I would do if a guy followed me like that. Especially if he had blue eyes. Blue eyes make me m-e-elt. *grins* I like this...so suspensful.