Reviews for Taking Chances - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Taking Chances - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Alien*Vision 2005-07-28 ch 6,	abusethis was so sweet. and the characters were idealistic and perfect. And I really really really like it. So write more! c'mon... you know you wanna.
lucia marin 2005-07-28 ch 1,	abusei remember those days of second-guessing well. well-written.
Melody1 2005-03-27 ch 5,	abuseThe end. This one had a lot of really really great detail that made their relationship, the experience much more real which make the divorce more real and the feelings involved. The characterization was good as well and the narration. I'm still jealous that you can narrate so well. But anyway, lovely work. I think the "taking chances" idea was an excellent one because it can be used in so many different ways. Mel
Melody1 2005-03-27 ch 4,	abuseOh, this one was good too. Lovely descriptions and imagery, I could really sense the feelings...wow that doesn't really make sense. I apologize. Anyway, I also liked the characterization. The dialogue was good, meaning that what people said seemed like the type of things they would say and the things they did while they said whatever they said complemented perfectly. Lovely. Could be stronger, but it's good. Mel
Melody1 2005-03-27 ch 3,	abuseHello again. You get to be my hw break. meh I have so much to to and I'm like the laziest person the world has every known. But anyway, your story. I loved this one. It's probably because it's romance and I'm a sucker for that one, but I could follow it more easily, I felt more for Amy than any of the others thus far. There were still some awkward spots but I'm not gonna be obnoxious and point them out. I'm totally dying for more to this though. Everyone probably was, but that's ok. It's a short story. I have a question for you, but I'll just e-mail you instead of asking it on here. Anyway, I'm impressed with your narration. I'm awful at it, and dialogue is my crutch but I just noticed that you narrated more of the story. It was very readable. I'm terribly pleased. Anyway, I'm on to the next one
Melody1 2005-03-24 ch 2,	abuse"They had been together for five years (one for each state between them) and even though it had been filled to the brim with breakups, fights and disappointment," what's the "it"? I mean, I can figure it out, but you might want to state it. And maybe the list should build up, "disappointments, fights, breakups," it's kind of a more logical progression. "It wasn’t until he saw couples walking hand in hand did he realize that it were the simple things that made his life complete." should be "it was the simple things" I had to think about it though. " to their first anniversary, they day he decided he had enough " should be "the day" I know you know, but I always seem to miss my typos. "Being ** and being angry was completely different though. " should be "were completely different" I like it. I like the idea, I like the ending. It's a really difficult thing to do, break open someone's relationship and show the processes of the male mind. It's not bad at all, far better than I could do (which is why I won't attempt it = )) But yeah, make sure it's genuine. Hm...I don't know how to say it. I don't really see any problems with the thinking but I'm not a guy. ALso, phrasing again. Not as much as the last one, but some things. Just read it over, out loud, to someone else. I think that would clear it up. I gotta read some stuff for Ancient Rome tomorrow, but I'll finish up this weekend. Mel
Melody1 2005-03-24 ch 1,	abuseAsk and ye shall receive. Lol, how corny am I. See I do read my revies, and you mentioned me checking this out so voila, here I go. Hm...ok. I like the idea, and it's definitely nowhere near bad, but I think the whole piece could be stronger, like...the emotion would come out more if you looked at the way you word things. A lot of thing sto me jsut seemed to be a little awkward. Like..."It had been two months since she last saw him and there didn’t seem to be a week that passed by without a brief image of him in her head or a small thought that passed through her mind." There's nothing technically wrong with the sentence, but it's wordy and so it doesn't come across well. Maybe breaking it up, or condensing it like..."Two months had past since she'd last seen him, but he hadn't managed to escape her thoughts. Not a week went by without some small remembrance, an image of him flaring up in her mind, a fleeting thought." Something like that? It just reads more smoothly. And the sentence also in that paragraph, "But there was just something about him that made him stand out more than all the other guys she knew." Is "more than all the other guys she knew" really necessary? I think you get what I"m saying. Just maybe thinking about how everything could be clearer. Mel
beyond-the-love 2005-03-19 ch 5,	abusedude. my impression of patrick swayze at the end of Dirty Dancing isn't THAT BAD. at first i was thinking that this story was gonna be sad... and this does go with love off paper. I have to say, your writing gets better and better. hahahah this is the perfect ending to the perfect movie.
beyond-the-love 2005-02-11 ch 4,	abuseI think this is one of my favorite pieces by you. The plot line is kind of ... unrealistic as you said BUT I really really liked how it caught my attention. Its one of those pieces where you get caught up in the words and you can feel the emotion as you read the words. I really think this is one of the better one in terms of detail and getting attention from the reader. UCLA! dameon and pyhthias. hahahaa
beyond-the-love 2005-01-21 ch 3,	abusegah. memories. =( I feel bad for amy. I like though... its like a long story in one. haha
windowbreak 2005-01-16 ch 3, anon.	abusei dont exactly get this...i still like your Unlikely story WAY better...UPDATE THAT ONE! =D
Alien*Vision 2005-01-16 ch 3,	abuseyou are so gonna change the ending to a happy ending. If I cry while reading a story, I would cry during this one. It is so emotion-based... so make it happy. Don't make her walk away. Or do another chapter to it. or something... anything. make it into your next novel. c'mon.. this can be a prologue! Ya know.. they can go through a ton of awkward situations, and then she can explain why she broke up with him, and then they can get back together! You know ya wanna! lol, write on!
beyond-the-love 2004-12-06 ch 1,	abuseI had to read that twice cuz the first time i missed the concept totally.. its not you.. i just need more eye drops! but.. i actually like this.. this can't be a short story!
Angelic-kat 2004-08-21 ch 1,	abuseI was looking around your profile for an update for "Unlikely" when I saw this one shot story and thought I'd read it since I like Unlikely soo much (ok, now I'M rambling). And I'm really glad I did read it! It's very sad in the way the ending wasn't a 'happy' ending but at the same time it was very beautiful and true. I always regret things if I don't do them (though they usually aren't big things) and having this as a true story is really eye-opening. I loved it.
pneumothorax 2004-04-08 ch 1,	abusekind of sweet. sadder that it's true.

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