 Leah Claire 2004-05-05 . chapter 2~the criticism~
"The song winded down" should be "The song wound down".
Hah--that violinist was rude. Like, violating a traveling musician's code or something.
Still liking the story. Hope you write more.
As for names, why not try one of those baby naming places on the internet? |
 Leah Claire 2004-05-05 . chapter 1Hi!
I like this story. I like the narrarator's voice, too.
weird little niggly sentence that bugged me: "The tune from last night was stuck in my head, as they always were, so I whistled it under my breath as I walked".
I think the middle part should be changed to "...as it always was..." or change the first part to "One of the tunes from last night..."
That's it. That's all the criticism I can muster for this intriguing bit of story. Now onto the next chapter. |