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| Rander 2004-03-28 ch 1, anon. | abuseAmazing--definately continue. |
| Kaleema 2004-03-27 ch 1,  | abuseThis is a poignant glimpse into a world related to that of ours (as humans) and yet from a very different point of view. You introduce that realm very well, and the feelings of your characters are very tangible. The only thing you might want to watch is the absolute hatred of humans, after all they are your audience and while I will be the last to say we are a respectable race, you might want to tone down the antagonism. That can put a reader off, and if that is your intention and your goal is to reach people who feel humans are a parasitic problem for the world, then cool. You are a talented writer and I would like to see more of Sophia's world. Another suggestion, if you want it, is to explain her reaction a little more instead of just relating the memory then ending the story/chapter. You spent a lot of time and detail setting the scene and it would add to the story to round it off and bring out Sophia's personal reaction to this news rather than just the magical philosophy. Overall, great job, keep up the good work! |
| Willow Elandria 2004-03-27 ch 1, | abusewow... wonderfully written, i love the world you've created here, and i can definitely relate to a lot of the points you make. ordinarily i don't like fantasies that take place in the "real world," but this is good. very good. the ending seemed a little abrupt - sophia's history didn't seem to be a main focus in the beginning of the story. maybe add some foreshadowing or something, have sophia think about her parents... i don't know. i really like this though, and i would definitely love to see you expand it... ~Willow |