The idea is a good one, but I feel that there's a need for a major rewrite. I feel that you're mostly telling the story, rather than just showing the reader. For example, the beginning paragraph kind of just says, "I walked into a store and something made me remember my past." I would suggest creating an image of this person walking into a store and seeing this object -which you should specify for some meaning in the story. In doing so, throwing her into a flashback.

The object I felt was going to be major in the story, but in the end, it just seemed like a plot hole. An unanswered question.

When writing, you need to create the image, create the scene. "She did this." "She did that." Both seem very uninteresting. Cut out the linking and helping verbs and use action verbs. It adds more color to what you write.

I assume in the end that because your character kept distancing herself from Samantha their friendship fell apart, but I feel no true connection to it at all. Character development lacked honestly, but with some work, Michelle and Samantha could truly become characters that readers will care about.

I will say that I liked the occasional dialogue between Michelle and Samantha. It seemed like interactions friends would have in school. It also did kind of foreshadow a distance developing between the two.

Altogether, I'll say that you just need to push more and dig a little deeper to improve this story. I look forward to reading a rewritten version.

I don't really understand. If this was written for an English class, why are there so many spelling mistakes? Also, this really doesn't seem like fiction. This looks like a pamphlet against abuse. Not a very good pamphlet, at that.

This is a well written story. And if you are up to a rewrite I would applaud it; I mean no one is above improvement right? I think with some development in certain places, more detailed explorations of her thoughts, and experiences, that this has real potential to be a fantastically bittersweet story. But even as it stands it is deserving of recognition. Well done. keep up the good work.
S.c

:(

im all for the re-write. the story has a lot of potential (yeah, i hate that word too). it would be a damn good story if it had more detail. good work, though.

I've got a quick solution for abuse. Have definate proof of it. Take a large knife. Stick it in the bastard's throat. No more abuse. Or at least that's the way it should be.

good!

good job