Your great! There were a few typos, thogh. Keep up the good work!

Sea? i lerned somting from tis!

The genre is priceless. Parody/Horror. Wow!

What a lovely essay! I truly enjoyed every minute of it and will make sure to spread the message! (just kidding) That was an epic essay. :)

this story is quite humorous. occasionally you sound a bit condescending, and sometimes the sarcasm is too much, but i still found it amusing. good work.

-zozo

I am really tempted to reply:

"Your great! There were a few typos, thogh. Keep up the good work!"

But I won't, because it wouldn't be doing this story justice - everything about this was absoloutely hilarious. Even my toes ended up hurting from laughing. And the thing about 'doesn't mean I'm an environmentalist' - ahahaha! Honestly, on a scale of one to ten in the funnies, this is a ten.

However, there are several annoying things that I'm putting down to damn FP uploading dramas. Some of the paragraphs were stuck together, which I think you should fix up (if you ever rewrite this). Anyways, this was amazing. I loved it. The humour was out of this world, and it's favourited (the story, that is!)

- clap trap, from review marathon [link in my profile]

tongue in cheek tone is totally hilarious and almost believable. the intended use of intelligent vocabulary and good wordsmithing is props for mocking. xDD Love this, and I will be sure to come back here if I ever write a story.

I'm not sure, but I think a tear of laughter just slipped down my cheek. The piece was absolutely amazing, and I was really hoping that if someone else was reading it they were understanding that this is what not to do-fantastic. Not sure what else would show my love of this, except for adding it to my favorites list.

Nice work on the satire (I know my English teacher would be very proud of you :D)

Mia

Your SO ROOD! Just b-cause I right crap and my revuse SUCK don't mean I need to gro as a righter, you pig headed sow. I hope you DYE a thousand horrable DEATHS and get eatten by a 500 pond lumberjack. Go to HELL you floozy.

-see, I learned, aren't you proud of me?

In all honesty though, I found this really enojyable. I hope people can read this and laugh at themselves and then maybe try to improve, since even the best writers and reviewers fall victim to thes traps from time to time. I hope that I have taken something away from this essay as well-starting with this review. Thanks.

Does that little thing at the end mean that there is no more?

Everything was wonderful... maybe I should just copy the same review I gave the last essay I read. I think you left out a "to" in the last sentence of the third paragraph, it reads "If you manage get permanently banned"

Wow, this is some biting satire. I love it! :D

Quite the slap in the face of a lot of people.

Excellent instructional tone, while being ridiculous.

Nice.

You are a idoit! Just beacuz i rite bad storiez and criticice other pplez work does that mean I'm a bad critic n u haff to make fun of me!

PACK UP YOUR PAJAMAS AND GO TO THE BAHAJAS U LOSERR! And fix those typos! I

hope everybody readz this n hates u cuz im maturer n ur not!

hehe, i couldn't help myself! anywayy, i LOVED this piece it was absolutely hilarious especially the r/r / railroad thing (i laughed for half an hour for that one) and the 'Fix those typos, thogh' (LOL) and the whole FLAMEWAR thing. Your straight-out sarcasm was refreshing and totally funny. thanks a lot for posting this!

This entire idea has been done to death!

To death!

I'm not sure why you even wrote such a long diatribe, since the only people with the patience to read this are people who aren't 13 years old and have monkeys for brains, so I guess you were aiming at people of a somewhat higher sophistication.

Well guess what? We're dead! Yup!

Satire is best when it's short and to the point. One-liners which sum up paragraphs, not paragraphs that don't end. 3-4 item lists are preferable to multiple lists where the items are two sentences long.

This was too long, I started reading it but fell asleep and ended up with drool on my shirt and the imprint of my keyboard on my cheek.

In any case, good day, and FP sucks.

Now I'm scared that I might be a good writer

I particularly like the critique examples. Really, such excellent reviews. I can only hope to get one like that myself...

Your great! There were a few typos, thogh. Keep up the good work!

Oh my God. OH MY GOD! You are officially my favorite person. Ever. In the history of the world.

I have built a shrine to you in my closet and I sacrifice small creatures to it daily. Just kidding. Sort of.

Your essay made me laugh. Out loud. And a lot. My parents were very worried. They were even more worried when they found your shrine and the (large) pile of sacrificed critters.

Thank you for making my week/month/year/life.

["An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind."] Yeah, I'm slow. This was Ghandi (sp?), right?

[A good writer will have no fewer than twenty authors on her list of favorites, and most of these will not have published anything other than criticism and perhaps a rambling, self-serving autobiography. This is perfectly normal and very, very healthy.] I haven't yet found a favorite author, though there are some I admire so intensely that I become intensely suicidal and violent when they are gone. This doesn't mean they're my favorites, though. I think the best way to show that you love an author is just to really pay attention to their work like you want to fuck its brains out. That whole honesty bit also works with courting out writing pieces you love. And the least you could do for an author you admire is leave somewhat of a decent review, period. Seriously, the author's favorite list shouldn't be a clique thing. And these new C2 communities are fuckin' off the wall. There's a C2 community called "Romance Uncliched", but it has ALL CLICHE ROMANCES. Well, save a few of my personal favorites, which have a lot of merit, except that they have succumbed in one or two chapters to fandom over art and truthfulness. It's just off the wall, I swear.

[If the critic has not left an e-mail address, take your frustration out on somebody on the critic's "Favorite Authors" list. If the critic does not have any favorite authors, choose your target at random.] Unfortunately, this has happened to me. Someone wrote a nice love letter on their profile for me to see how much they HATE black people and me. Okay, maybe not the black people. Most angry authors are usually kind enough to leave e-mails or rant about it on their livejournals and THEN e-mail me the link (yes, yes, I know). I have a folder in my e-mail that is filled with hundreds of responses. The folder is titled, "Complaints. rofl" My personal favorite is "U dont kno wat your talkign about Ninja bitch. (goes on to describe whole Harry Potter plot) Dont critisze and compare me to books you never read." Ah, the joys of love.

[The insults didn't get to you; really, they didn't. To prove just how unhurt you are (and how much better than the critic), you are going to give one of the critic's stories an objective review- a very long, detailed, objective review. Pick the story apart, word by word and line by line, and find all of the flaws.] Guilty as charged.

[Do not fail to let the situation escalate. Enlist the help of your friends (people who are on your "Favorite Authors" list and who have you on theirs) to write hundreds of death threats and stinging critiques of your critics and their friends.] Does this really happen? I wouldn't be surprised-well, actually, I sort of would. I haven't been here THAT long, but I certainly haven't seen that happen. Though people who belong to the SKoW awards seem to take offense at people who belong to that BU club. I think.

[Is the act of surrendering your artistic integrity to the will of a largely ignorant and often pernicious herd, really such a bad thing?] I used to ask myself this all the time. Lukertin, a suffering soul, left rather than having to take anymore of the BS. But there are a lot of decent writers on who I aspire to be like, both in integrity and writing prowess, and they're usually ignored by the general population of FP for some reason I'm not really sure of. Their writing is gold, and I like, HURT when I don't see it get the proper exposure they deserve.

I'm going to hold a grudge against you for all of eternity. You have wounded me deeply with your truthful words, and have added salt and lemon to the wound by having only three chapters of this.

Thank you for the awesome read, Tetra.