Interesting. A good story - as a concept, this is brilliant. Its only the execution that was flawed, in my opinion. First off, there needed to be some more depth to each of the strange 'realities' Mary was in. Build them up. Describe them. Have her do things in them and make the reader assume that they are real. I would recommend a chapter per reality, personally, to confuse people but not too quickly, or they'll just skip over it to get to the punch-line. Secondly, watch your spelling! People get turned off by a story when the author doesnt bother to check it over (although I admit I'm terrible at spell-checking too lol). Third, and probably most importantly - CHANGE YOUR SUMMARY! Dont give it all away before they've even read it! Say something like - "The line between reality and dreams has always been a thin one. But what happens when someone crosses over?" - That way you have the reference to death ("crosses over") without giving the ending away. Last but not least, the ending, if you wanted to make the story longer you could make it a mystery who killed her, or at least draw out the flashback a little so we find out it was her mother only at the end of the chapter. Just a few suggestions, I hope they help. I honestly believe that with a little work this could be an awesome story. Keep writing!

Hi Angie (SciFiGuy88 from youngwriters guild), please write more on this story :) Wanna read more!

Like the intro. I'd suggest trying out more interesting names for your characters, though.
Oh, and try deleting the html and it'll be fine. Just press 'enter' twice-- you'll find the html to be unnecessary. (though I could never figure out how to use italics on fictionpress)