 jevn 2004-04-03 . chapter 1This was a good story. I like how I always know exactly how the main character is thinking. I only have a few suggestions. Read this through once more. You have a few mis spelled words and a few words that are out of context such "tore out lives asunder."
Also, towards the end of this, you start every sentence for about tenn senteses with the word "you" this becomes a little awkward after a while.
Hoped I helped |