I like it- the flow is pretty good- there are probably a few parts that could be smoothed out- but what piece doens't need a little smoothing? I know my stuff needs it--painfully! ^_^ I wasn't sure about the repetition to begin with of the one line, but it grew on me a lot. I think it might have more of an impact if you spread the line out a bit more- so that it's not every few lines, but after a really strong, emotional point so that it really smacks the reader. Hehe, I just said "smacks the reader"-- ok, nm. ^_^ Good work,tho! keep writing! I can't wait to hear your next chapter on Thurs- I won't read it yet, cause I don't want to ruin the surprise! ^_^ TTUL!