Reviews for MODERN ALICE - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: MODERN ALICE - Reviews: Page 1 of 28

I Murder on Impulse 2008-05-31 ch 21,	abuseAh hahaha that last bit was awsome lol! Great story! xx
Soosie 2008-04-08 ch 21,	abuseThat's an amazing story! I finished it today after reading it for over a week, and I actually got fuzzy feelings from the touching contents. I thought the end was a little sudden, but I still liked it!
thinkTwice Nfall 2008-02-16 ch 21,	abuseWell, in the first several chapters (as I said before), Arisu and Riku's relationship developed too quickly, and lots of things were inconsistent. It all started smoothing out somewhere in the middle and the end though. The pace of the story got better, and the new characters that were introduced were interesting. I really enjoyed the story, and it really did tug at my heart at some points. Your story is like one of those stories that you end up hating but liking at the same time because it's so beautifully emotional. Now, moving on to the writing critique, I'd like to say that you improved as the story went along. As I said before, you became more consistent and such after a bit of a roller coaster start. At first, I wasn't sure if your story would turn out so well since you weren't very consistent at the beginning, and the characters seemed kind of cliche. But in the end, I liked it. The ending wasn't as cliche as other stories. It was actually kind of cute, though I would have preferred it if you had written more about what happened next. I'm a fan of happy happy happy endings. XP I wish you had written more about the other characters, too, though. Yume kind of disappeared from the story after a while. Arisu didn't seem to spend as much time with her after the concert even though they were best friends. You also didn't explain why Kiley came back from America. I mean, yes, you showed how Marise called him back over, but Kiley's return didn't really make much of an impact on the story's plot other than the fact that he comforted Arisu. It wasn't explained why Marise called him over in the first place, either. Also, Arisu never seemed to read Aya's letter or notice that his jacket was on her. She just up and jumped to Riku's side and then later cried in Kiley's arms. It didn't make very much sense to me. Also, it kind of bothers me that Aiji wasn't mentioned very much after a while, and Hitomi wasn't talked about much either (though I guess that's just because her role in the story ended). I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really like your story, but I'm a bit upset that there wasn't more of a closure in your story than I thought that you should have had. There were tons of loose ends that you should have tied, and it makes me feel kind of sad that even though Arisu and Riku had a somewhat happy ending, I'll probably never know what happened to everyone else. Anywho, like I said, I do really like your story, so I hope I didn't discourage you from your writing and/or make you think this is a flame. I usually give more criticsm to stories that I think are fairly well-written but had a lot more potential. No wait. What I'm trying to say in this last paragraph is that your story is like (in a scale of 1-10; 1=worst & 10=best) an 8 star. Really good, but could be better. Yup. I love your story, and it's awesome. Try to keep my constructive critcism in mind for future stories, though!
thinkTwice Nfall 2008-02-16 ch 9,	abuseI'm still not done reading your story, and I do intend to finish reading it, but I just wanted to say a few things before I forgot. Your story is a little confusing. Not plot-wise, but character-wise. You keep changing their personalities and certain details about them. I was first confused when you changed Rinka's name to Yume. I had to go back a chapter or two to notice that you wrote in an author's note that you made the decision to do that since it sounded too similar to Riku. I don't think that you should have changed her name in the middle of your story. That's just not practical (in my opinion). However, if you wanted to do that anyway, you probably should have gone back and changed your other chapters so that Rinka's name became Yume. Another thing I want to say is that I agree with some of your other reviewers. Arisu and Riku's relationship is changing too fast. I don't think this is as much of an opinion as it is a fact. It would have been nice if you had taken the time to show their time together more. You've only written a few scenes where Arisu is working at Riku and Kiley's house, let alone interacting with them. It would've been nicer if you had let their personalities develop more as they spent more time with each other rather than simply telling us what kind of people they were and telling how they felt confused about their feelings for each other. Finally, I found it pretty confusing how you changed Arisu's family status and likes/dislikes. In one of the earlier chapters, you said Arisu didn't like music. Then in this chapter (or maybe it was the last chapter), you talked about how Arisu liked beautiful music and didn't like how fans liked the band just for the band's pretty faces. You also said in the earlier chapters that Arisu had a brother that opened a clothing shop in America. But then in this chapter you said that she didn't have any siblings. I'm not trying to flame you or be mean to you. I just wish you were more consistent.
Nightshades-Jade 2008-02-09 ch 2,	abuseXD Thanks so much for writng about a visual kei band! they get so little attention T_T. this chapter was good! but i think u wrote Arisa instead of Arisu. By the way ALICE BLUE reminds me of a visual kei band called alice nine. I LOVE ALICE NINE! XD thanks for the chapter! ^^
Duuude 2008-01-06 ch 21,	abuseWee. The ending wasn't predictable at all. I liked it and it would be pretty mean if it all just ended, you know. It would make me feel like I read the story for nothing. All this fighting, pain and trouble just for them to disappear from one another's lives. That would ultimately suck. I know I should be killed for reviewing only on the epilogue but I couldn't help it. Your story was far too engrossing. I think it was amazing. I like Hot Gimmick too, btw although I didn't get around to finishing it, I know how it ended. Ryoki (was that his name?) and Hatsumi got together. Hitomi reminds me of Dead or Alive! Hahah. I'm really going of topic. I love Arisa! She reminds me so much of Tohru from Fruits Basket. So sad, yet so determined to go on! Muah. Great story. Although, you didn't really go into detail of how Arisu and her brother meant once again and how the whole family was all together again... And where's her dad? You may have mentioned something but I don't remember. Anywhoo. Great story. I love it. I may not have reviewed for the other chapters, but I DID review, ne? =]
Windy 2007-12-28 ch 21, anon.	abuseAlright, so I don't believe I've ever reviewed this story, and that really makes me sad. D: Especially since this is the third time I've read MODERN ALICE all the way through. XD Anyway, I think this is one of your best works. I love the plot and it made me cry the first time I read it through... Ahaha... In any case, I'm ashamed that I haven't reviewed it yet. ): Well, the only minor error in the entire story is that in chapter 2, Yume is still named Rinka. Also, Arisu is named Arisa in chapters 2 and 3. Ehe. I know they're really minor errors, but just thought I'd point it out to you. ^^" So, all I've left to say is basically keep up the good work, good luck in the future, and please write more stories. ^^ ~Windy
shootingfallingstar 2007-11-26 ch 21,	abuseyou had the best ending i've ever read!! it made me cry so much :D it wasn't corny or anything.
AJS 2007-10-16 ch 21,	abuseThank you very much for writing this story. For quite some time now, actually, about three-four months, I've been unable to really find a story on fictionpress that would draw me back and capture my interest. Though it's too early to say whether I'm drawn back for good, I was really relieved to find your story. I think part of the appeal was that it was Japanese based and everything. God, what a story! I am so so glad that Riku & Arisu finally got together... let's say it together, FINALLYY. They really really deserved that. I'm relieved that you never really made any character in your story out to be completely bad. You left a lot of things open-ended, like what exactly that letter said, what happened between Kiley & Hiromi... was that her name? I'm terrible at names. You never explained the relationship between Riku & Ryuuzaki either. Nonetheless, Riku & Arisu were very very cute together, when they weren't being so damn stubborn and frustrating about admitting their feelings -.-;; There were a few things though... I was kind of confused about Riku's age. So he was still in high school? And the name of Arisu's school, Kinokuniya Academy... Kinokuniya is a famous bookstore in Japan, but the "ya" suffix actually means "shop/store," so the school name is a little awkward. Also, in some chapters of the story, you switched the band name from ALICE BLUE/BLEU (??) to MODERN ALICE, which was a bit confusing as well. Anyways, this is a cute story, and I'm really glad that Arisu & Riku finally got their happy ending :) I really liked the end too :) And the song he sang. I keep reading it and trying to match it with a tune, haha. Keep up the good work and keep on writing! -- Alyssa
Angel Yuae 2007-08-16 ch 3,	abuseHm...She seems a bit like Ahiru from Princess Tutu especially the last part... Yeah Meteor Garden is
Yuae 2007-08-16 ch 2, anon.	abuseOmg are you a arisu fan? alice nine i mean? the whole ALICE BLUE thing shocked me... I am recovering from it... But i do understand, i waste money for them too XDD
Yuae 2007-08-16 ch 1, anon.	abusehugs sorry i just started so i can't really comment much
Detritus Doll 2007-07-09 ch 10,	abuseHey Love your story!! I'm only on chapter 10 though... Is this story based of the real visual kei band Alice Nine? Sorry for the short and sucjy review... Keep up the good work ~Nocturne Ai
japanera 2007-04-12 ch 5, anon.	abuse,..hey i know i sucks at making a review,..but god this chapter is purely dramatic,..hehehe,..im not a fan of drama bt this one got my attention,!
japanera 2007-04-12 ch 4, anon.	abuse,..now it,s payback time,..hehehe riku is falling for arisu for sure and definitely he is jealous of kiley,.poor riku,..i think you should start being nice to everyone,..but actually i think im beginning to fall for riku to,..(heheh,..im starting to bea **,..!,..)

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