Hello... I am Morbidman. Nice revision. Great story cousin. Keep writing more.

Just a few things lacking and that's probably detail...that's your bigest one... it's a good story, but you don't really know much about the characters and where they are...for all we know they could be in a padded while room in a mental institute...
Ok i've finished being mean... it's a good story, that needs more detail...but it's all good...
~Silver~

Hello-
I definately agree with, Morbid. It has a lot of potential to be a great story, it just needs that power to make it one.
Better descriptions, better the outcome of the story.

Uhh... yeah. I have a couple of points for this cousin. (WARNING: spoilers follow for those who have not read this story) First: It'd be impossible for him to live ten seconds (and be conscious for those ten seconds) if he recieved a bullet in the brain. Second: This is going way, way too fast. Third: The ending was terribly anticlimatic. Way too fast, way too brief. Lacks detail. This is very good, but far from your best. Recommendable however. Nice job.

YOU MUST CONTINUE THIS STORY! I can tell it's going to be a great one. Please UPDATE SOON! well if you have time check out my stories too please!

the storyline was good, although the lack of details made it hard to really get into, this could be a very good story if u just took a little more time and went deeper into the storyline, charactors, and just added more discriptions

Hoped you liked it!