FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Dreu 2004-06-14 ch 1,   | Interesting, as I have read, it seams that all of your words are of things that are lost in this world, of things that time will never be allowed to replace. Thought of all the things here and gone you write of what you think on, and this brings devistation to your words and hate into your likelyness. But in a fabricating world you would be torn as your cry's seam to speak. Thought i belive you are a good writer, but you are missing something, you are only writting of what you hate, do you write of what you love ever? Otherwise the progress of your lines are quite intreaging, and the understanding of the words are very convicting. Though I wonder if you really understand that effect that you put on people with these words. Do you? |
| MR.SEAN 2004-04-24 ch 1, | Wow, that has a nice "mist". Oh I call your "sheep" cows. lol. One cow goes one way the rest fallow! (not me) Good haiku! |
| Eirien 2004-04-16 ch 1, | Oh yes, that is something I often feel like and get depressed about as well. On the other hand, I'm afraid of being unwittingly "deaf" sometimes myself, and if so I am so sorry for it ... This is effective, especially its message. A slight suggestion for improvement: You might want to shift the "Yet, somehow," into the second line, then the line lengths would correspond more to the 5-7-5 haiku structure, and it would also stress the "everyone has deaf ears", your climax, more (having a line for itself, and the break after the end of the second line would heighten the suspense). Just a thought, though, the poem is good as it stands. ;-) |
| Kiss-and-Die 2004-04-15 ch 1, | Woah...powerful! |