Excellent beginning. A little more description would make the telling more complete for me. Paint me a picture with your words.

Short, but good. Don't worry, I'll be gentle, I think its probably better than my first, Project Damnation, which has TOO much details. Keep writing fellow author!

That was good for your first. I like how it sort of gave off an eerie far-away first look. Good job, continue writing PLEASE!

It's okay! Short though... It's good! D Hoping to read more!

*Puts on the kid gloves* J/K
Hmm interesting start here. One thing though, why are 99% of the main characters in books beautiful, or handsome? Why can't they just be ordinary?
It's not really long enough that I can give a proper review, ost of mine can go on and on and on...
Oh well, promising start, keep up the good work.
Sam.
PS. if you get a chance, could you R/R my posts?
Cheers.

I really like this. And you said it was your first, well it's very good for your better than my descriptions.
You might even want to go a little further...

i like yur style. i'm interested to see where this is going. please continue