I like the idea and the character, but I'm not sure if this needs more. I'm curious, but the lack of punctuation means that I don't want to wade through to the end. This would make a wonderful one shot, but as an extended thing it's too Bourne Identity.

Have I mentioned, though, that the title is great?

Oh, I just realized that this is fanfiction. If something that I've said is entirely clueless-sounding because I haven't read "Action." Sorry!

Anyways, I'll definitely be reading more of your stuff. Thanks for being so prolific!

nice start, like the idea very much, keep it up

Keep Writting!

Are you going to write more? What happened to her? You've got my curiosity aroused.

REALLY reminds me of The Bourne Identity, maybe even some of Gayle Lynds' stories. But keep it up. Punctuation needs some work, though.

Hey, Aims

I think this can be made into something good. I, also, was a bit thrown off with some of the punctuation (had to read a couple of lines a few times to figure out meaning). The only other issues I had with this story were small things like "thought inwardly" or "thought to herself," seeing as any time we think, that's what we're doing (I took this one Writer's Digest class and I have to say that was the most eye-opening thing I learned! One of 'em at least :)).

One other thing i think you could do to improve it is to sorta get on with it. Not quite sure how to put it, but it seems like the story's sorta stuck. Don't get me wrong, some of the stuff I write feels like that, too [after I reread it a few times], but while I'm writing it, it seems like that's how it has to be. But in this case, i think more dialogue or something could get the story moving to a point where the READER will want (have no choice but) to go on to the next chapter.

That being said, I do like the premise...adn the suspense. :)

Hey great story! Only one thing: Is this all? Or is there going to be more chapters? Even if not, I love this story, it is very well written.

In this other book- which I've not read- is it also a mob story? Cos if it is I'd have to change my mind about any direction for the story.

See Jane Run is it? -runs up stairs to check- Yes is it. See Jane Run by Joy Fielding. Your story is amazingly similar to the book. Same name and basic plot line. Have you read it? Are you basing it on that book? It sounds very, very, very similar. You might to want to make sure you aren't stealing the book's ideas/plot. You wrote this chapter very well, for compliments, and it is very catching. Thus, the reminder of See Jane Run. Well, let me know. Your other stories are interesting, I've read them all but this is the first I've bother to review.

There were some missing punctuation marks, which annoyed me because apart from that, its a brilliant piece of writing. Intriguing plot, and well-written indeed. I hope you continue it.

Very well done. The first thing I thought while reading it was the state of unbelievable confusion. And through it that point was emphasisized a great deal.
It's a shame more quality stories aren't reviewed as much as the unimaginative teter-totor, post irony-age stuff here.
Anyway, deeply interesting. Remind's me of The Bourne Identity, but take's off on it's on. Nice work!