eek..it's like 3am here...ill finish this story later...eek,.so tired but great story!

good

Wow, that story was amazing. I hated having to take a break from reading it, you really had my attention from the begining. You did a great job at developing the romance between Mac and Trevor. I absolutely fell in love with the characters by the end of the story. The only thing I noticed, which someone else commented on too, was that you kinda overdid the phrase "tongues mating". It just got a little tiring hearing it again after awhile. But other than that, it was just amazing. Good luck on getting it published! I'd def. buy a copy if I ever see it in stores.

wow, that was awesome, I hope you get the chance to publish it, I am in awe. This book rivals some of the best romance novels I have read and thats really saying something, since I have read so many. I wish I could write like this, but I know it will take a long time for me to get up to this level, if I ever do. Good luck with your writing career, and I hope everything works out.

Kudos! You write wonderfully!
I feel that someone at your level of writing would benefit more from honest criticism than praise, so honest criticism is what I'm offering. :) Nothing personal, understand-but really, if you're planning to get published, it's important that you get feedback on weaknesses and problems so you can make your novel stronger and more competitive.
So here goes:
Plot is great. A *leetle* cliche, yes, but the way you it unfolds bit by bit makes up for any triteness and gives the story great drive. Plot-definitely a strong point.
Characterization's also good. Mac's very believable, as is Trevor. Just the right number of characters-enough to add variety, but not so many that the reader has to make an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of them all.
Dialogue- Good. Not much of a overused-dialogue tag problem, and there are some great lines in there. (I loved the one about ice water in hell. ;)
Syntax- You tend to leave out commas where they're needed, so that sentences feel like run-ons. Also-it's great that you ran a spellcheck, but I'm afraid that it resulted in some rather odd phrases. Some misspelled words were corrected to wrong words, which made some lines incomprehensible, or nearly so.
I have to put in a word about your love scenes. The ideas are fine-imagery, action, all that-and they are pretty well-written, but there's this small handful of terms that just *keep cropping up* until you're positively sick of seeing them. Eg: "tunneling," especially in connection with hair; burning into a "heap of ashes"; "mapping"; and "mating," used mostly in connection with kissing. To be honest, it starts to sound like the same scene over and over again after the second or third time those words turn up. Maybe it's just me. Word redundancy is one of my pet peeves. David Eddings' "Diamond Throne" drove me nuts for the first hundred pages because *every single time* anyone was surprised, he wrote that their "eyes widened." That was it. Sole means of expressing astonishment. I swear, he must have used that expression more than a dozen times in the first half of the book. It got very annoying very quickly. So... it might just be me. I tend to get bothered easily by redundancy. But that's one possible flaw that I noticed.
Then... let's see-would the coffee be symbolism or a motif? ;) Prevalent use of coffee. Nothing wrong with that, but it was one of the things I'll remember about this story several months down the road. Did you intend for it to have a literary purpose, aside from building setting/culture?
- The ending seemed a little rushed. I would have liked some more elaboration on the scene where Beckman dies. I think that was the climax of your novel, yes? It certainly seemed like everything was driving toward that point, and plus it was the ultimate good guy vs. bad guy holding gun to heroine's head scene. If that isn't a climax scenario I'm not sure what is. ;) It was a little short, considering how important a moment it should be.
Let's see... what else can I nitpick at...
Oh. The ending could be stronger. The ending, because it's the last thing the reader reads, is the part that the reader will remember, and so it's critical that a story ending be beautiful, witty, moving, or at the very least, worth remembering. Your ending was good-it would've been great for a chapter ending-but considering that it's the end of a 100,0 page novel, it could've been stronger.
I guess that's about it. There are some other minor glitches here and there, but those are mostly a matter of proofreading for flow, grammar, etc. I've tried to point out prevalent, consistently occuring errors in thsi review. :)
On the positive side: I liked your style of writing, overall. Plot development was great, as was setting. I really got a good feel for the environment, the way the buildings/forests/etc. look. On a scale of 1-10, I'd give this novel an 8 or 9. Pretty up there.
I hope my review helps you in some way, even if you disagree with parts or ignore some sections completely. These are the errors that I noticed, and the areas that I feel could be improved. I really believe your work has the potential to be published; that's why I'm taking the time to review critically, instead of giving you the generic, "Oh, I loved your work! Great job!" speel. I hope my honesty helps.
Well... good luck with getting your work published! And good luck with your other writing projects!
-Allegra

WOW awesome story...it was the best...i had trouble tryng to stop reading it actually, and i cant wait for your next story

i loved this fic! it was awesome! i can't wait to read your new story! POST SOON!
-THE RANDOM CRITIC-

This has taken me over 4 hours to read and I have enjoyed every single moment. Thank you for such a wonderful read (apart from a few spelling mistakes)and my rating is still 10/10!
Best wishes to you and your husband.

I finally finished the story and I'm so happy I did. It was better than words can explain; one of those books you'd expect from someone with decades of writing on their belt. I really hope you get it published and I'll begin reading Wyoming Magnolia tomorrow. I hope it's just as good, if not better, than Snowdance. kep writing, Kelly, you're really good.

If you ever decide to get this published (which I think you should), I will support you in any way I know how; unfortunately, I have no clue as to how I can help you, but I'll buy the book. Lol, can't wait to read the ending.

Kelly,
Since I first read your story, three days ago, I've been unable to put it down. It was so intense, in fact, that I hadn't even seen the one I loved sign in on Msn messenger, and my poor computer had to be started every forty-five minutes for Jaws to work. That's a talking program for the blind.
I loved your story, Kelly. You are my favorite author on this site, except for my dear, well-known friends, and I await the story with great anticipation. Staring, only has one r, though, and you might read over the story with a fine-toothed comb, because some of your words are a little different than the meaning. Good luck publishing, and I hope to hear back.
I, too, am a budding writer. I have a story up called A Little Closer, and two of my friends have stories up. I can't wait to see your novel up on the shelves, but please have them braille it for the blind community? We'll get it for sure.
Sincerely yours,
Mary

wow! well done! and I'm only on the first chapter!

very nice. ) just one thing.. you use the word raw too much. lol.. great story nonetheless.

Oh wow, such a good story...I praise your writing; it's so descriptive and suspensefull.

if you ever get this published, promise me you'll send me the name of the book. ill buy it :P !