Umm, it'd flow better if the 5th line went "I see your toment, your eyes clouded over with misery". But I love it! Keep writing, you're on my favorite author's list!

Good emotions.

wow, interesting!

I see your torment, your misery cloud your eyes

I like the idea, when don't you have a good idea? But I would love to see what this poem would be like if you extended the imagery a little and helped us get to know this brown-eyed girl a little better. _