oh yeah, i like the stones. reminds me of mood rings in grade school... :)

okay first way to go posting your first story. i was encouraged to keep it up by someone else here on fictionpress so i will pass it on to you. i takes some courage to post a story, but don't give up. of course i know how it feels to hit writer's block...

second, while fantasy stuff isn't my thing, i do like the way you kinda grab my attention with the storyteller idea. i agree with the sourceress person, it could be more descriptive between dialouge. but for a first time way to go. i would suggest reading a lot of fantasy stories to get an idea of how to be descriptive with this sort of story telling. i don't know if you read a lot -lol.

third, yeah i would have to say there are a ton of grammer and typo errors, but take your time with writing and catching and fixing those will come with time. you can always ask someone you trust to proof-read it for you. i'm not perfect with typos and grammer either, i constantly have to use spell check and read and re read before i post something but inevitably (ck sp) i end up missing something.

finally (i'm kinda long winded) again kudos for posting you first story. keep it up!

the secound chapter is a LITTLE confusing. but its still a good story line. what was the sentaance at the end of the 1st chapter for: eHe couldn't help but notice the way ? anyways again its good!

i think you should continue writing the story. it is a good plot! please keep writing and write more soon!

It's kind of not together... I don't get hardly anything. Sorry.

The ending of the first paragraph is a little off. I don't know why you would embrace after telling someone you're their best friend. But maybe that's just me. Also... the 'awkward silence' in the second paragraph seems a little forced... same with the 'chill guys'. I don't think they were getting to heated that they needed to chill...
Unless you're trying to hint that Bryan and Carden are both going for Laurenne... then you might want to develop that in that scene.
But it is well written. I like the stone. I want to know more about it means.
- Jennacharm

You need a comma after 'I know'. also there is a typo in the last line. There is an extra 'E'. Maybe also, I'm being petty here, but you can spell the 8 out. Or not, it's really up to you, but usually in longer works you spell out numbers. Again, I'm being petty. Hope you don't mind me telling you;)
I like the beginning...
The mention of planet had my interest.
I think the last sentence of your sotry is a mistake? I it supposed to cut off the chapter with that? Hm... I have to go check out the next chapter to understand.
- Jennacharm

can u say awesome? i love this story. plz keep addin to it.

Great names and words, very imaginative! Im not a story writer, if you have ever read Ross and I you will know. Keep it up, you are lucky, I never got any followers to my story :( I dont mind, keep writing for them and dont give up. I know you can write good!
Good luck in it
Nine Iron

Cool, great start!

this strory is very well written I cant wait to read more i would sugest to keep at it and also don't let your reader lose intrest

Very interesting still, although it could use a little more descriptionbetween dialogue, but since this is your first fic, that is ok.
Anyways, this is still very good. I hope to see more soon.
Until then
MidnightSorceress

its wonderful, i can't wait to read more! : )

This is off to a very interesting start. I can not say much about this first chapter however, but I will look out for subsiquent chapters. Update soon
Until then
MidnightSorceress