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| David Stephen 2004-12-30 ch 1,   | There is absolutely nothing wrong with the formatting of this poem it is great. The repetition of turn away shows the constant voice in the protagonists head - telling them to turn away. However, if you want some advice, I would suggest to add 'Turn away' again to the end of the poem (not with the last stanza - make it separate) and put a full stop at the end to to wrap it up. ie: Turn away. ~DS~ |
| Jacqueline Howcis 2004-05-16 ch 1, | I was told by your little friend to look at your work, and it was well worth it! Its really good! Kep writing girlie! Jac x |
| katmonkey 2004-04-30 ch 1, | This poem flows really well and I like how you've repeated the line 'turn away'. You should post some more stuff up here cuz you're a great writer! *lime-girl* |
| Visions of Harmony 2004-04-23 ch 1, | *claps* very very good, i like the rhyme scheme, but i agree with seeker when he says that maybe you should adjust that line, other than that its a great great poem!! |
| Crimson-Fantasy 2004-04-23 ch 1, | your name is pretty weird for what you write I mean da buffster that sounds more like a gangster than an angasty writer doo you know what I mean but your still very talanted keep posting I'll try to remember to reveiw it all and I 'm putting you on my author alert list Ok *:)* K.P. |
| Seeker of the Way 2004-04-21 ch 1, | This sounds like an deep refrain. Like you are really reaching deep into yourself, trying to find the truth and the light. * I would add more syllables to "Hide the fight you fight" to like "Hide the fight you have to fight" or something. * You should consider writing a journey. A soul journey, a way to free yourself to truly live, and love. I too like to be sad sometimes, for it is in the hurt that we learn the truth. I write the hurt down in my poems .. for I am my greatest enemy. The trick is not to STAY in the hurt, but to use it as a pool to swim in every once in awhile to cleanse yourself and humble yourself. To learn how to get past the obsticles that are in your Path, to grow, to learn we are all in this together. * Keep digging deeper, keep reaching higher, keep questioning, keep hope alive. |