Reviews for Miami, Here We Come!

Reviews For: Miami, Here We Come!

tarienelle 2005-05-17 ch 3,	Well. I have some uh.. Critisisms. Though I haven't written for pretty long.. 2 years? So some of my stuff kinda deserves it too (lol), just thought you'd like to know. =) And PLEASE don't take offense.. Eh.. First of all.. I think you're style's a little childish. It's somewhat as though you're a 11 trying to write an adolescent's book. (I have no idea how old you are though XD) And.. The story's kinda dry. Prolly cause I've only read up to here. You describe appearances too much. Every outfit is always described at every character's appearance.. I feel that it'd be better to spend more time describing actions, setting, atmosphere etc. Also, you tend to clump all the descriptions at the beginning - which the reader would most likely just briefly skim through and not really read or remember it - and the later part has barely any detail. As for your vocab, it (quite obviously) is pretty good. Just that you don't really use them well. I'm not sure if you get what I meant about this.. But it sorta isn't.. Fluid. The sentence doesn't flow. Yep. And character.. All of them seem to have the same character. And none of them seem to have outstanding traits. It would be easy to confuse Darren from Patrick, if it weren't for their names. It seems as though they are all coming from the same author - which they are.. But aren't supposed to seem as though. Really good authors have the ability of giving their different characters life. As if they've created an entirely new being. Their characters reactions, feelings and ways they deal with stuff are constant. You can actually visualize them interacting. Whereas in your story, they all kinda just fade to the back.. Oh. And one more thing. Heh. I'm Chinese (hopefully, you're not racist or anything) and I'm from Singapore (NOT part of China as I have been so constantly asked. --;) and. If I interpreted your accents correctly, Hui stands for knowledge, like : I hui (know) something. And Ge stands for older brother. So it sounds kinda strange together. Lol.. And depending on where Hui Ge is from, most Chineses don't have accents. Rather, they lack the american/english accents. And if you were wondering why my English is so.. Uh. Fluent..? Lol.. That's cause it's my main language. Our national language. My Chinese sucks anyway. Failed it. BOO. ANYWAY. Whee. Longest review ever. I'm surprised I even took the time to review. Specially since I don't normally even review good stories. (YES. I AM LAZY. XD) ANYWAY. Oh yea. Um. I'm only 15, so if you think my critisisms ain't too fab, yea, well. Sorry. XD Melly.
Jaz108 2004-12-02 ch 1,	This one sounds like fun.. cant read mopre now.. gotta go.. Ive got class... Ill read the rest laten an tel ya what I think!!//G
Nikki77 2004-06-02 ch 5,	Your story is so good so far! I cant wait to read the next chappie. I want Katie and Darren to get together. I think she's far more deserving than Harriet. Anywayz, update soon!! BBYE!!
kayla tinkerbell 2004-05-20 ch 4,	heya, you've put the glitch on the net already... callum talks about his family twice and lani says he hasnt said anything about his family, but he has... lol... o well... update soon love me x
twitched 2004-05-15 ch 3,	you know the drill, I still love this thing... but when you have someone said followed by a comma what they said shouldn't go on a different line. Hope that helps. Anyway, update soon!
D. Wilder 2004-05-11 ch 3,	i like how u introduce everything and spend time on most of the characters one at a time. update soon.
catsy catallica 2004-05-11 ch 1,	hehehe try and figure out who i am and how the heck i found u! lol, its wicked dude and i expect the book really really soon and even tho it says chapter 1 review, i've read til teh end of chapter 3! how come u never told me bout this? ttyl hun x
kayla tinkerbell 2004-05-04 ch 2,	aloha my sweet! wo more story... u must post more, cannot wait 2 read again, i still keep getting excited by it! anywayz... yeah, write more of love obviously as well, yay! cant wait, love and hugs kayla x o bugger, now u know my sign in name, damn it damnation bugger
D. Wilder 2004-05-03 ch 2,	o i think something is going on with lani and callum...wink wink. i cant wait to see what happens. update soon.
twitched 2004-05-03 ch 1,	just read through my review (after i posted it, idiot that i am) and i have enough spelling mistakes of my own. Anyway, when I wrote cookie I meant cookies, as in multiple numbers. The sooner you update, the more you get. Chocolate chip sound good to you, or something else. I can't think of anymore types of cookies and now I'm making myself hungry. Anyway, still with the update soon. TTFN again ta ta for now twitched
twitched 2004-05-03 ch 2,	Whoo, yippee another chapter. I really love this story. You've got a couple of spelling mistakes (Lani picks up the phone and says she's Allen. Maybe that was an intentional amusement and I'm just stupid though). Anyway, hehe, Callum and Lani... hmm... I want to find out more about that, much more. I think your formatting got a bit screwed around the rules though cos they're all shoved into one big paragraph. I don't know, maybe that's just me. Just noticed, the tour starts on your birthday. Pretty sure that one was intentional. Lovely Juvely (sp?) Courting, LOL. There is a small grammatical error that keeps coming up though. I can't be bothered to write it. I'll tell you when I see you, k? Hopefully you'll get what I mean when I attempt the explanation. Anyway, LOVE this story. I'll give you a cookie if you update really quick. Come on, I know you like cookie... you can't resist. So, yeah, UPDATE SOON! TTFN ta ta for now twitched
kayla 2004-04-29 ch 1,	please update even tho i know what happens im getting really excited... PLEASE love and hugs forever and ever my sweet kayla x
Kayla Reid 2004-04-26 ch 1,	hello stranger, sucker i found it. u know only how well how much i like it!! tee hee, btw, also other katherine story, i like! it cant be finished tho, its like only just started! lol, o well, luv and hugs kayla x
twitched 2004-04-22 ch 1,	Good beginning, I like it. You have a couple of grammatical errors in it but I'm sure you'd catch them if you read it through again. Anyway, hope you update soon. Twitched btw I updated APaNW if you want to check it out.
D. Wilder 2004-04-22 ch 1,	i like the story because you have a bunch of characters that i can see grow and change as the story progresses. update soon and please read my stories.

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