wow! that's awesome, not lame at all... makes me want to read more.

First off, the part at the beginning with you saying that this was a lame poem and all that was a wee bit annoying. If you think it's so lame then why are you putting it up here? To be pessimistic?
Any way, despite that. I really did enjoy reading this work. I like how you made the wording with thou and thee, it gives a feel of an olde world writing.