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| poet tree 2005-05-21 ch 1,  | abuseThat was ** good. |
| mizu no kokoro 2004-08-25 ch 1, | abusewow, this is deep~ thanx for the enjoyable read! keep writing! |
| clickwhistle 2004-07-16 ch 1, | abuseTurn around is fair play; I only hope I am not too harsh a critic. The overall storyline is well played, although the development seems a bit abrupt. This makes some of the transitions between description and narrative feel prematurely forced. I could easily see this as a longer piece; a stronger backdrop would give more dimension to the characters and lend greater force to the ensuing climax. As it is, it just feels over before it has even begun. The recollection itself is truly a gem though - the pacing is fast and catching, the style trenchant and expressive. Most impressive is the dialogue; the reeling, seething, almost drunken taunting of the father builds a powerful image that contends strikingly with the son's own incisive retort. All in all, this is an effective piece. With some expansion and a little polish, it could easily become impeccable. |
| Rozovian G 2004-07-04 ch 1, | abuseYay, happy ending. Well, it's an interesting game of concepts, and quite well written, too. Nice job, buddy. Keep at it! |
| Teratoma 2004-06-17 ch 1, | abuseVery interesting and well written. I really like the mood of the story. |
| Red Masque 2004-04-30 ch 1, | abuse::growls at random pop-up:: hate those things... anyway, this was one of the best-written stories i have read on this site, which is pretty big, coming from me (as typically, if a story needs any improvements, i tell the writer what those improvements are... ::clears throat:: i could probably stand to be less forthright, but oh well, it's for their own good. just wish someone would do the same for me some time ::sigh::). the plot itself was obviously a good one, but the style in which it was written really sold it. i tend to change styles in the middle of a piece, which is... not good (understatement). it was well paced, and the characters balanced each other out very nicely. *excellent* stuff. bon travaille rm |