Great beginning and all, but when are you going to finish? I'm not trying to sound rude, but please keep writing!

Your story is very funny! I can't believe you are only 14...I am sorry if that offends you, but I feel that in the last 3 years of my life my writing has improved beyond belief. I do not believe I could have ever written anything as good as this at 14, and not for lack of trying. Your vocabulary is spectacular, as well are your refrences to modern life. Keep writing...you'll definatly be published one day, if you haven't already.

This ... is too good. You did absolutely everything right. For turning an old concept on it's **:10 points. For writing with a clarity of thought I wouldn't expect of most 24 years olds, much less a 14 year old girl: 100 points. For paraphrasing Cowboy Bebop (Session 9, I think?) infinity points. This was funny, well written, absolutely flawless, I can't compliment you enough. Please keep posting. You have a lot of talent.