I have to agree wtih Child of Dusk on this. I didn't even realize that the seperate thoughts fit together until I read it for the second time. I love the way they seem as if they're nonchalant thoughts, ones that don't connect in any way and make you think the reader might be schhizophrenic (lol) until you grasp the concept that there might be something there, somthing that actually makes sense.

x3 Summer

I love how you thread the italic lines in there, highlighting the theme of the poem, and at the same time making it feel as disjointed as the narrator's thoughts.

Am I wrong in saying there's something very sad and at the same time sexual about this poem? Very interesting, and unique as always. You remain true to your style while constantly improving, and your words always bring with them clear images. Interesting use of punctuation in the "wrong" places; it seems to show a deliberate disregard for authority and tradition. Very enjoyable.

This poem is amazing! This disjointed flow adds so much depth to this piece! I adore your style - so unique and beautiful.. you've expressed so much. Its perfect.
CoolBeans18s

Great imagery. It flows well.

*gasps* oh, oh my god. *hyperventillates* you've done it again. chica, you are my GODDESS! *bows down in utter reverence* another 'spliced' poem, and this one so much more complex than the haiku! HOW DO YOU DO IT? seriously, you're going to go down in poetic history someday, just for inventing this brilliant form of verse. i LOVE it. love it love it love it. and as if the uniqueness wasn't enough, the poem is absolutely phenomenal, in its own right! i have to say, this struck me as particularly ingenious: "dis. jointed" LOVED how you physically embodied that! *sigh* how shall we even strive to approach your creative genius? FANTASTIC piece, chica, you rock! :D

Very original! I love how you use the disjointed lines and different stanza lengths. Your poetry is truly unique, beautiful, and special. Someday I hope to be as creative/good as you.
I love it. Keep on writing.

oo, now this was VERY interesting, well written and different, i love it, its odd yet makes perfect sense and it just seems so..i dont even know, its darkly humorous, to me anywayz, and has this great feel and mood to it, love the parts in italics and how they fit together within the whole rest of it, playful..yet, has this seriousness about it too, muchly excellent

Interesting. The thing was really neat. This is kind of...I dunno, sinister?

*shakes head* freaky. trippy. in a good way.

damn, that was cool. I love the style... it's as disjointed as your laughter.
the only part i don't like is "listerine breath" - that just seems interesting
"spasmatic, you said/and my hands danced the words..."
*smiles in a soft circle*
this is a good one...

Hmm. i'm still analysing it. Very interesting and original. aarghh- what does it mean though? lol i'm dum