Intruiging and sickingly sad story. Wow, I liked the first and second chapter, but the next two chapters I read drifted off a little for me...I had expected it to have a slightly episodic nature, with a mission or two per chapters, but it is still well written ^^...

I don't wanna be a ** or anything, but since you desire critque, I thought I should point out that your descriptions do get a bit monotonous at some points. Things like, "Glancing down at the watch impatiently, he gritted his teeth", for example. Maybe you should try to change the word order more often, because there is a part in Chapter Three I think, where there is an entire paragraph full with these "turning around, she decided to give him another once-over as though he was worth her time after all"...sorry, I just made that sentence up myself, but I hope you get what I mean ^^.

Well done, though I must confess that I won't be reading that story again...I prefer dreamSeed. I am being such a **, am I not? LOL

You have my word that I will finish this story. I am sorry about what's been happening but I'm just going to talk about the story now.

Well, the last chapter was pretty intense with the hand slashing scene. Also, a lot of the dialogue that built up and centered around this chapter and the last one was greatly done, it flowed properly, and I thought it was cool.

I am going to finish this, don't worry.

Peace

Darket

I saw that this work was plagerised and I was apalled that someone would do something like that. Even though this is a review on chapter 1, I've read the whole story and find it very well written.

You've reviewed Into the Void, or atleast I think so, so it's about time I paid you back. ^_^ (btw, I updated both of my stories, incase you wish to read on)

Sorry I'm quite lazy and at times apathetic. I've been plagerised 12 times on fanfiction. net, so I feel your pain as a fellow author. You can see my reviews on their 'works' if you wish, they are under the name Annonymous (because I refuse to give 'it' my pen name to steal my works.

Just wanted to let you know that I back you up 100%. Keep writing and don't let some pretentious ** get you down with their stealing, sinful and racist remarks.

OH. MY. GOD.

I cannot believe that some stupid ** ** stole your story! Your very first story on FP EVER! What's worse, she actually had the ** gall to keep it up, and steal more of other people's works! I am so ** right now I can't even ** type.

Don't worry though, we all know who really wrote these stories. We're all behind you. We're going to get this **.

I'm in my killing mood right now. Think I'll go over to this babyangel ** and giver her a piece of MY mind...make her think twice before putting someone else's work on her page and passing it off as her own.

It's good, but just to let you know, BabyLuvGirl6 has stolen this too. It was a great story, but she's a ** for taking it!

What else could I say but cool and interesting! Great chapter!

See ya!

Hi there. I like the chapter and the entire story; it really draws me in into reading more. The portrayal in the story is downright cool.

But do you wanna hear a funny story? You're the new target of plagarism by babyangelgurl6! I don't really know you nor chibichocobo, but I'm not the type of person who'll let this go on. But, maybe you already know this, if so, ignore this paragraph.

Anyway, I'll just continue reading this story today!

See ya!

I FINALLY got to read this! As always, this was beautiful. Your descriptions are vivid and lucid, creating a wonderful, steady "movie" for any reader's mental theater. Your characters are well-built and very three-dimensional, likewise, their interaction with each other and even their own thoughts is realistic enough. I'm looking forward to the next update!

Sorry, it's me again. I forgot some things to note in my last review and was quickly reminded of it.

It's about Yumi.

My favourite part in this chapter of Akai Ame is the part where Yumi was 'not in control'. That was freaking human!! I mean, oh my god! Yumi has a weak side to her!

Sorry about that...just something I forgot.

Sorry about not reviewing this sooner! Damn. My fault completely. However there was just one pet peeve with this chapter that helped in this review being left on the back burner. It's too damn long! Dammit, it took me numerous breaks in order to read it all. And then, I would need to backtrack a little in order to remember what the hell had happened. I'm a big fan of the series but...damn this one took too long to read.

All right, after many painful weeks (perhaps months? I’ve lost count) of waiting for an update from you, you’ve finally graced me and the entire population of Fictionpress with an update on one of your famed, glorious writings, Akai Ame: the Red Rain. I can’t tell you how ecstatic I have been just to see the update appear in my e-mail inbox. After the last update, I was waiting in dreadful anticipation to know what would happen next, and I was so curious to know more about the characters that you have so skillfully woven in the equally rich tapestry of your writing sewn together with artfully chosen words. I read this word by word, and the one thing I would like to say is: YUMI IS ABSOLUTELY THE MOST AWESOME CHARACTER EVER! *catches her breath* I mean, I’m glad to see that this chapter has mostly been dedicated on one of my favorite psychotic loveable characters, Yumi! I will go further into detail about some of the facets that you have shown in the story about her as I get on with the review. I will review this chapter, and I shall tell you exactly what I think about it.

In the very first section, which deals with Aia. Very conflicting. It heart-touching and tragic at the same time. Aia’s undeniable loyalty with Iiwa-sama is being conflicted with her own sense of morals, and it makes her decision all the more difficult. The conflict between Yumi and Aia is both dramatic and heart-wrenching, a tragic theme that is common in this beautifully written and moving story. The characters make everything seem so real, and even when their emotions are roller-coaster high to a climactic extremity, they still have this human aspect that is undeniable, and it is their unfortunate pasts that define who they are, and shape them into the merciless assassins that they are. Even Akagi, a sweet girl has a cold-hearted side to her, molded into the picture-perfect killer thanks to Iiwa-sama and Mai-sensei. All of them are tragic, realistic, and well-developed characters that pulse with life. Aia is very conflicted throughout the story, almost as if she were a mere voodoo doll being stuck through with several needles. Her relationship with Yumi is very unstable…it’s hard to believe that Yumi would betray Aia like that. However, in Yumi’s mind, she felt that AIA was the one who betrayed HER, not the other way around. Perhaps she didn’t like the idea of being alone, left by herself in a troubled world, and she found solace in Mai-sensei and takes some sado-masochistic pleasure from it, possibly because it makes her feel alive. Both Yumi and Aia seem like very empty people, without any other purpose but to kill and avenge their pasts. However, hidden inside them, there’s the human aspect of them that you reveal throughout the story, and I will note on that later. It’s probably nothing more than a flickering, paltry light of a candle flame, but they’re still human beings, after all, no matter how hard they may try to hide it under a façade of being ruthless, merciless, unforgiving assassins. Aia has always proven to be the most human from time to time, but then, there were moments when she DID feel a stirring of sadistic pleasure from killing Masana-san, and she admits those feelings, but she doesn’t succumb to them like Yumi had. Both Yumi and Aia come from tragic pasts that are similar to one another, but I think they represent two individual choices that have been chosen to fill in a void to balance out the other, like Heaven and Hell. Aia still holds onto her humanity, even though there seems to be no hope in her situation, and she doesn’t give into becoming completely inhuman and taking relish in murder. Her morals are possibly the only things that retain her sanity, and possibly, her sense of justice helps define her as a human being rather than a killer. Yumi, on the other hand, allowed herself to be overtaken by lust and sadistic gratification through killing. It was her choice that she allowed herself to become that way, a conscious decision in what she wanted to be. This is symbolic, which represents a thematic density in the story, and the conflicts between Aia and Yumi are electrical intense.Now, onto the huge hunk of a meaty review dedicated to my favorite character of all: Yumi! Even more aspects of her character are revealed here, and there’s even a hidden, human aspect of her that feels insecure and afraid, contradicting her fearless, brash nature. She is, as you have quoted before, the antithesis of Oyugi Aia, but then this facet of her character reveals an aspect of her human nature other than the insane, seductive, cold-hearted, and murderous assassin that she is portrayed to be. Yumi is a much deeper character than that, and the scene of her with the guard paralleling the memory of her father in Osaka was the epitome of heart-wrenching tragic, not to mention very dramatic. The action scene with her, however, was just very cool. Yumi steals the camera in this chapter as she goes all out crazy in a complete bloodfest, with her trusty guns Mibojin Meka and Koji Meka. What I like about Yumi is that she reacts out of pure instinct, and her quick-footed reactions are on the spur, showing her spontaneous and unpredictable nature. The graphic, bloody detail was extremely graphic, yet, tastefully written and appropriately fitting for the fast-paced drama action. I also liked the idea of Yumi getting into the Zone: that euphoric state in which someone feels, a nirvana in which everything is enhanced. Mm, maybe you could incorporate more of that Zone like experience, perhaps? The idea of being in the Zone sounds very anime-esque, and I could totally picture Akai Ame as a manga, scene by scene, word by word. Everything, and I mean everything, has been written perfectly. The storytelling, the grammar, the characters, the plot, man, I just love everything about this story! Especially Yumi, who will always remain one of my most favorite characters ever ^^ Yumi, seeing that she’s the badass, totally awesome girl that she is, takes out a whole squad of guards SINGLE-handedly! This is an amazing feat by itself, and the action moves at a heart-stopping pace, and the reader has no choice but to read word by word into they moved all the way to the end. The drama and high-stakes are more than enough to keep readers hooked, and I was sucked into this fabulous world of Akai Ame. The best part of it all is that it seems realistic to the reader, since the details are vivid and portray a fantastic world that is eerily similar to ours. I hope that there are more Yumi scenes in the future, because the scene that you had here was most definitely grade-A KICKASS action material, but then you’re the writer, and I have no influence over your writing. Besides, the wonderful scenes that you had with Yumi before are more than enough to satisfy my raving Yumi fangirl side. Of all the characters that you have written, I don’t think anybody can ever replace Yumi. I just love her to death, and it’s just everything about her character that I like. I’m not exactly sure what attracts me to her, whether it’s her confident, crazy, unpredictable nature, her good looks (haha, yes, I envision her as being very beautiful…she is a seductress, no?), her being the anti-hero (maybe villain? Not too sure), or just being…well, Yumi!! Oh, and of course, I caught note about the reference of Koji and Kyoto Gakuen Junior and Senior High. It was the same event that you told in Yumi: Violent Tendencies, and I loved seeing the aspect of that event in Akai-Ame! Which brings up another question…when are you going to update that? I’m not giving you this monster huge review for nothing you know (just kidding, I’m just doing this huge review because you’re awesome ^^).

We see an interesting aspect of Shuguri Mai as well, a character who seems to be laden in the shadows throughout the story. She still retains that air of mystery, but we get to perhaps see a glimpse into her past as she interacts with the Crone. I am immediately intrigued by the Crone character, and I hope to see more on her role in the story and her motivations (I don’t want to spoil everything for the rest of the people, because I remember you telling me…some spoilers before ^^) Shuguri Mai, portrayed as a heartless character, and always cool and collected, has a little bit of a scenario in this chapter as well. Mm, and perhaps you’ll indulge more into Iiwa-sama and Mai-sensei’s relationship quite soon, yes? I believe that Mai-sensei and Iiwa-sama should get their chance in the spotlight once in a while (and Akagi too of course…where did she disappear off to, by the way? I haven’t seen much of her, excluding the very first scene). However, Yumi deserves the spotlight. Just because I said so and she’s my favorite character XD

So, this is the conclusion of my mega-monster super-duper special review for you, courtesy of Crazy Hazy productions. I’m sorry that it took me a while to review you, but you know that I’m busy with schoolwork and all (also, thank you for the encouragement on my little ‘writing slump’…hehehee) Anyway, thank you for giving me a wonderful chapter to read, and I most definitely hope that there’s more to come in the future soon, but then again, I recall you telling me that you’re a procrastinator at heart. Oh well…can’t rush perfection, can we?

~* chibichocobo *~

That was a brilliant chapter. I absolutly love this story, and I can't wait for more. I feel so bad about not reviewing this eairler. Well, I'm off to read some more of your work!

What could it be that Iiwa is hiding from Aia...Could there really be anything that could cause Aia to turn against the woman she loves so much? After reading this chapter, I feel as though I can understand Yumi much better. Excellent chapter.

It's clear that Aia cares a great deal about Iiwa, but I wonder if Iiwa thinks of her as anything more then a weapon. Great chapter, off to read more.

Wow. I'm not sure if I've ever hated a character as much as I hate Mai. To take someone who went through something like Yumi did, and corrupt her even more, is just evil. Brilliant chapter.