Hey Emily,

I like the idea of this story... twins! I like the "outsider" theme of the story- because it's relateable and you can go into so many different angles.

So here are my critiques: I didn't like how in the first few sentences you repeated a couple of the same words: "Shadows mingled with shadows" and things like that. Maybe I just have to read it again, but compared to reading your other writings, it seemed a choppy.

Here's a type-o I found: "Blue, green, orange, yellow, another green, and then. whispers" (just a period in the middle of a sentence. (This is found towards the end of the 2nd paragraph).

Good luck with the story!

Aww, it's cute, and it sounds very interesting. You should pick it up again!

~Katelyn

This is a pritty good story, although I want to give you a few pointers if you don't mind?

Your sentaces are a little to long, in other words run ons. Some of your paragraphs could use a big of spaceing in them.
And were it is when the dragon egg hatches, I didn't quite get were it starts when there on first flight, so you might want to make that a bit clearer.

I hope this doens't affend you in anyway. I just want to help. It's my Job as a Knight. (It's a group all over the web)

damn good for someone who is 14 :)
cant wait for any future stories.
~blane, AG