Not too bad, although you may want to consider adding another verse saying ho terrible a war it was, just a short one

nice but again...READ MY STUFF ON FANFICTION! (under zippy_rainbow)

that was really good. and dark. would you please read some of my poems?

I definatly liked this!
I love the repitition of darkness.
Keep writing!
Kat

O thats an interesting concept. I like the verbs and the rhymings good. Your endings the best, great stuff!