 SpacemanSpiff 2004-05-07 . chapter 1I really like the poem, and the only thing I have against it is that the form seems too simple for such an idea of possibilities. Your wording is very well done, and I especially like the line "Exactly from soul to skin". I think it's just the word skin that sticks out so wonderfully in that line. But to the form issue that I'm complaining about. With an idea of a mirror, it might be fun to toy with the words and how they look on the page. Perhaps find a way to put certain words on the opposite side of the page in a way that might resemble the reflection of a mirror. Perhaps finding two lines that are complete opposites of each other and put them on different sides of the page. It's just an idea and it was kind of what I was hoping for when I read this, but I like what you have and what I've said is simply suggestion, so I leave it up to you. Nice work.
-Spiff |
 nine iron 2004-05-07 . chapter 1It looks longer than it is, this gives the impression of depth to the writing on the cosmetic level. The spacing seperates the lines making it all flow as well as look appealing. The inclusion of questions break the flow, so the placing of them is important, I would say they fit ok in this poem. It has a nice flow otherwise, reads well from line to line. Mirrors are a great subject and the angle has some good ideas included. I say it shows good writing skills but nothing is better than practise!
Keep writing and good luck
Nine Iron |