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| Taltush/MeiMei 2007-04-17 ch 1,  | abuseOkay, but I feel quite sorry for your English teacher... Assigning something like this with the "lofty" language... It is a bit too far. I mean, the idea's good, but both the "hadst" thing and the rhymes were a bit much. "vroom" and "boom'd" made me smile, partially because the use of "vroom" in such a "fancy" poem, but also because it's really visual. And then in the way of content, I don't quite get if the person was on Ecstasy or was drunk. There are two different statements that are kind of misleading. As much as I get that it's an English assignment and that they tend to be very limiting, if you want to improve it, I'd kick the "loftiness" out and just make it true. To get the idea across it would need more work, but the idea is nice. It's just the presentation (once again, not exactly your fault). You could still do a sonnet, but not like this... I don't know. You asked for what I think, and this is it... I mean, it's nice, but it could be way better (and kind of less eyebrow-raising in surprise and amusement) if it was written with a little more freedom (meaning no loftiness, or at least LESS). Whew. Sorry for the long review (which I'm sure is full of repetitions). Hope this helped. It's what I honestly think. |
| PearlinTheMist 2005-08-14 ch 1, anon. | abuseI understood it. oopsey, I never thanked you for the review. oopse... thanks oh wait, did I thank you? I sent that e-mail... w/e. great poem. |
| Kuiya 2004-09-01 ch 1, | abuse*rubs arms* That gave me goosebumps... It's kinda odd, but it was still good. Depressing, too... Ku |
| Earthsong12 2004-05-15 ch 1, | abuseInteresting mix of old language and modern subject. Yay! |